(A spoof on holiday advertising seeking ways to get you to spend more
than you have.
Read it overly happy - over dramatic.)
Announcer: What is the real meaning of Christmas? For many it is luscious
chocolate oranges in festive foil, a rope of cranberries and popcorn,
aromatic clove, an orchestra of dancing lights or perhaps the ever
popular
seven swans a swimming.
Each year the Mall of Marketable goods works hard to bring the real
spirit
of the holiday to you and your family. From dainty hand finished Christmas
decorations from Northcobleslavovia to festive Santa wear made by genuine
elves in the far north. We know how much Christmas means to you, so
we stand
ready to make your holiday shine with all the warmth and charm that
high
quality goods can provide. Remember when we say High Quality we mean
- bring
your credit card. (Good natured chuckle)
The Mall of Marketable Goods is open 24 hours a day for your convenience
and
yes, we have creative credit plans that allow you to get everything
you want
for the holidays with a multi-year repayment plan.
And remember with every purchase over a thousand dollars drop by our
Christmas Confections Cafe and pick up a free piece of holiday fudge,
just
right for that holiday appetite. (The following line is intended to
be
redundant) The Mall of Marketable Goods - more than a place to buy
for
Christmas, it’s also a place where you can purchase all of your holiday
needs. On the corners of Capital and Money Changer Drive. We look forward
to
your visit this holiday.
Remember our motto, why purchase tomorrow what you can get today on credit.
The Mall of Marketable goods is a proud member of the gotta-have-it
business
bureau.
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ANNOUNCER: And now a special report from the Ro-maniacal News Network
NEWSCASTER: Today the Roman government, in an ongoing effort to reach
out to
those who gain benefit from the services of our vast governmental entities,
announced a nationwide census. Sources close to Caesar Augustus
and
Governor Quirinius say that the primary purpose for this citizen count
is to
make sure no one feels left out of the process. What that means in
lay terms
is that our government is seeking to assure themselves that they are
properly compensated for their services. Volunteers are asked to return
to
the city of their ancestors to take part in a census. This will enable
our
government to properly assess the actual numbers of citizens that should
be
taxed. Authorities stress that such volunteerism is mandatory.
The government admits that there will be no reimbursements for lost
wages,
travel expenses or lodging associated with the required pilgrimage.
However
they feel that the festive atmosphere and the opportunity to visit
with
family will make the trip well worth the effort.
Sources indicate that lodging may be difficult to come by in some
communities, but are certain that our country will pull together and
make
this required, voluntary census a huge success.
In other news....
Tax revenues are expected to increase dramatically in the coming months,
full story at 11.
(Bring Special Report music up)
Reporting for RNN, I'm Apollo Augustine.
Good day.
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MARY
MODERN WOMAN
READER # 2 (Mary)
Village sidewalks, busy sidewalks
Dressed in first century style
In the air
There’s a distinct smell
of camels
READER # 1:
Children laughing
People passing
Meeting smile after smile
And on every street corner you’ll hear
Silver bells, silver bells
It’s Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling, hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day.
READER # 2 (Looks at reader one like she’s nuts)
Children laughing
People passing
Yet, we’re turned away
On every street corner we hear
There’s no room. There’s no room
It’s census time in the city
My baby’s due. Oh, what to do
Soon it will be Christmas day.
READER # 1:
Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink and bright red and green
As the shoppers rush home with their treasures
READER # 2:
There’s a manger
Cause were strangers
And we’ve no place to go
As the cattle roam
Round seeking fodder
READER # 1:
Hear the snow crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Santa’s big scene
And above all this bustle
You’ll hear
Silver bells, silver bells,
It’s Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling, hear them sing
Soon it will be Christmas day
READER # 2:
Hear the goats crunch
As they have lunch
We are making no scene
If you’re quiet enough
You might hear
Glory, Peace, Good will to you
It’s Christmas time in the village
Christ the King, is cause to sing
Praise God, it is Christmas day.
(Both look at each other as if they are crazy and walk off opposite sides of
the stage).
............................................................
Copyright 2001 by Glenn A. Hascall & CMI Publishing
If you use any of these scripts would you please be so kind as to let us know?
glenn.hascall<a>gmail.com