Angel: Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy! Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
Narrator: Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
Angels: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.
Narrator: When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the accountants said to one another,
Accountant 1: A saviour, eh? Interesting!
Accountant 2: Won’t come cheap, you know.
Accountant 3: What won’t come cheap?
Accountant 2: A saviour – it’ll cost a fortune.
Accountant 1: How do you work that out?
Accountant 2: Well, think it through. You can’t have just any old peasant as a saviour, can you? No he’s going to have to be a king – a prince at the very least. So you’ve got your establishment costs haven’t you - the Civil List.
Accountant 1: That’s true. The coronation alone is going to set the state back a couple of million.
Accountant 2: Then you’ve got your palace – you can’t put a saviour up in any old shack, can you? Say another ten million?
Accountant 3: Fifteen more like – if you’re going to do it properly.
Accountant 1: Wardrobe – half a million a year.
Accountant 2: Royal yacht – capital cost three million and another half a million a year in revenue to run and maintain it.
Accountant 3: State visits, banquets and the like…
Accountant 1: Royal family, princes, princesses, general hangers on…
Accountant 2: Coaches, carriages, horses…
Accountant 3: …it all adds up.
Accountant 1: You wouldn’t see much change out of a billion.
Accountant 2: (Whipping out an abacus.) Two, I reckon.
Accountant 3: (Also producing an abacus.) That would put at least two shekels on the basic rate of income tax. The Chancellor would go ballistic!
Accountant 2: Not going to work is it?
Accountant 1: No, nice idea but it’s just not practical.
Accountant 3: No, just not practical in economic terms.
Angel: (Who has reappeared several lines ago and is just standing there shaking his head.) That’s no good – no good at all. I’ll have to try somewhere else.
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Narrator: And there were in the same country Lawyers in their offices running up huge fee accounts by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they wondered whether it was all entirely legal and whether, if it were not, they could earn some fat fees out of it.
Angel: Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy! Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
Narrator: Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
Angels: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.
Narrator: When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the lawyers said to one another,
Lawyer 1: A saviour, eh? Interesting!
Lawyer 2: It certainly introduces some fascinating legal issues.
Lawyer 3: Absolutely! I mean, you can’t just turn up and designate yourself a saviour, can you? – there’s absolutely no precedent for it. You’d need proper authority.
Lawyer 1: A Royal Charter.
Lawyer 2: Act of Parliament.
Lawyer 3: Deeds, affidavits, documents in escrow.
Lawyer 1: There’s no chance that it would stand up in Court otherwise.
Lawyer 2: Then you’ve got to think of Caesar’s position.
Lawyer 3: And Herod’s!
Lawyers: (Together) Untenable!
Lawyer 2: Not going to work is it?
Lawyer 1: No, nice idea but it’s just not practical.
Lawyer 3: No, just not practical in legal terms.
Angel: (Who has again reappeared several lines ago and is just standing there shaking his head.) That’s no good – no good at all. I’ll have to try somewhere else.
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Narrator: And there were in the same country Advertising Executives in their studios planning slick campaigns by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they wondered whether it was being handled by the best people and whether the whole production might not be given a little more impact.
Angel: Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy! Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
Narrator: Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
Angels: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.
Narrator: When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the advertising executives said to one another,
Executive 1: A saviour, eh? Interesting!
Executive 2: Could be big if it’s handled right.
Executive 3: Television! We could go for prime time slots on all
the big shows!
Executive 1: The internet! A really slick website!
Executive 2: National and international news coverage!
Executive 3: We could have his face in every office and every living room within days!
Executive 1: Just one small problem.
Execs 2 & 3: What’s that?
Executive 1: This is Roman Judea – no television, no internet, no newspapers to speak of – only the odd local scroll.
Executive 2: Not going to work is it?
Executive 1: No, just not practical in marketing terms. The timing’s just not right
Executive 3: Tell you what – let’s call that shiny bloke back and tell him to put the whole thing off for another couple of thousand years – they’ll be much better equipped by then to handle this sort of campaign.
Angel: (Who has yet again reappeared several lines ago and is just standing there shaking his head.) That’s no good – no good at all. I suppose it’ll have to be those shepherds after all. Ugh!!!
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Narrator: And there were in the same country Shepherds living out in the fields near by, keeping watch over their flocks by night, when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they were terrified.
Angel: Do not be afraid. I bring you good tidings of great joy! Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.
Narrator: Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
Angels: Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.
Narrator: When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another,
Shepherd 1: Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.
Shepherd 2: But what about the sheep?
Shepherd 1: Never mind the sheep – this is far more important than a few sheep. Let’s go!
Narrator: So the shepherds hurried off and found Mary and Joseph and the baby who was lying in a manger and when they had seen him they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.
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© Trevor Fletcher, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are
not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange
for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and
for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: tpfletcher@blueyonder.co.uk