Sonia: 'Ere Tracey you look all done in. Sit yourself down, take the weight off you brains.(Offers her a stool)
Tracey: Ta, Sonia. You’re a gem. I’m just about fit to collapse. You should have seen the town. It’s a jungle out there.
Sonia: Do you fancy a drink? Looks like you need one.
Tracey: Thanks love. Make it a large one. My arms feel like they’re gonna drop off.
Sonia: Well, I wasn’t going to give it to you intra Venice, like , was I?
Tracey: Nah, I know that, I just meant these bags have made me arms about 3 foot longer. How I made it from the bus stop I can’t say.
Sonia: Well it’s only round the corner.
Tracey: Yeah I know, but it’s me age, innit?
Sonia: You’re only 32. Anyway where’s your Kev in all this? Why’s he not helping?
Tracey: Broke up, didn’t we?
Sonia: Cor blimey, not again. You two have had more come backs than Frank Sinatra.
Tracey: Yeah, well it’s for good now. He said I was taking him for granted.
Sonia: For grunted, more likely. All he ever did was slob out in front of the box on your sofa.
Tracey: Eh, watch it. I won’t have you talking about my Kevin like that.
Sonia: Well he’s not, is he? You just said he’s packed you in. Still at least you didn’t have to get him a present. Looking at your bags he’s the only one you’ve not bought for. I’ve never seen so much stuff. What’d you get?
Tracey: Well I’m not telling you what you’ve got. But I’ll give you a hint..... "Because you're worth it."
Sonia: Ooh Tracey you haven’t? Not a Boots token? What else you got?
Tracey: Well you gotta get someone a yo-yo this year, haven’t you?
Sonia: : Who’s that for then?
Tracey: : Your Trevor.
Sonia: But he’s 34.
Tracey: Yeah I know but it’s about the right mental age. And just in case his strength runs out, which it generally does, the yo yo’s got its own little motor. I got him a Super Mario too - nearest you’re going to get to having a plumber fix your system - can’t see your Trev getting around to it. ‘Ere, I tell you what I have got that’s lovely - look at this (shows item of baby clothing) - what d’you think of that?
Sonia: Ooh Trace..it’s so sweet..
Tracey: It’s for little Amber.
Sonia: I guessed it wasn’t for Trevor.
Tracey: She’s so sweet - she’ll look a treat in it on Christmas morning.
Sonia: It’s what it’s all about, innit?
Tracey: Yeah, Christmas is for the children. (Sings) "When a child is born"
Sonia: Blimey, spare us, Tracey We don’t want to empty the pub, do we?
Tracey: All right. It’s just Christmas makes me come over all gooey thinking about the little babies and all that.
Sonia: You wanna watch them kind of thoughts Trace.....Funny though, innit. All that Christmas is for the children milarky. You can’t help thinking who thought that up.
Tracey: Some bloke from Woolies, I wouldn’t be surprised so he could shift crate loads of toys.
Sonia: No ...thinking about it..
Tracey: Careful Sonia. Don’t overstretch yerself. I know you’ve got 6 E grades but it was a long time ago.
Sonia: There’s no call for that. No thinking about it ..it’s got to be to do with him, innit?
Tracey: Who?
Sonia: (points upstairs)
Tracey: What, the landlord?
Sonia: Nah. Him. God , yer know.
Tracey: Oh...right?
Sonia: ‘Cos he sent Jesus...the baby Jesus.
Tracey: Oh...right....right.
Sonia: Least that’s what they say. Me I think it’s a lot of hogwash. I mean that Jesus, he didn’t even exist did he? I mean it’s all made up like a fairy tale.
Tracey: (Uncomfortable) Yeh ...I suppose so...it’s just that..
Sonia: Well you know Vera Pleb?
Tracey: What, her from down packing in the blouse factory?
Sonia: Yeh, that’s the one. She says he did exist. Fact she says he still does.
Tracey: Get on. What’s she mean? What’s she talking about?
Sonia: I don’t know rightly. It’s just she says that she’s met him.
.........................................
© Andy Lund
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies
are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In
exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified
of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted
at: andrew.lund@ntlworld.com