By Andy Lund
A TV game show in which the contestant has to make some eternal decisions.
Chris Arrogant
Norman Normal
Granny Jo
CA: Welcome back after the break to our exciting edition of "Who wants to be a Millennium Heir". My name’s Chris Arrogant and you left us at a very exciting time as Norman Normal reached a point on this programme nobody has ever got to. Norman is now just 3 questions away from untold riches and from being assured of eternal life in the next Millennium. So without further ado let’s play "Who wants to be a Millennium Heir".
(Dramatic music. )
Norman, are you ready for the next question?
NN: Yes, Chris.
CA: Norman, who was Jesus Christ? Was he: A good man... A very nice man... A madman... God (Norman puckers brow) Take your time, Norman. Norman, who was Jesus Christ? Was he: A good man... A very nice man... A madman... God.
NN: I heard you the first time, Chris. I’m just thinking.
CA: That’s fine, Norman. Take your time. Just remember we have to fit in the rest of tonight’s TV scheduling. (Getting impatient) So make a decision NOW.
NN: Right. Err, can I go 50/50, Chris ?
CA He’s not sure. He wants to go 50/50. Let’s take away just 2 of those options. So who was Jesus Christ? Was he a) A madman, b) God? (With heavy emphasis) Was he a) A madman b) God? Was he a) A madman b) God?
NN: Err was it b) God, Chris
CA: I ask the questions round here, Norman.
NN: Yes, I know that’s why you’re the question master.
CA: No, I mean you can’t ask…oh never mind. Just tell me the answer.
NN: Well, I’m not sure but I’ll say.. a madman. (CA gasps) No I’ll say God.
CA: Are you sure? Is that your final answer?
NN: Yes, God
CA: Sure? NN: Yes, God.
CA: Norman, you were just two questions away from being assured of eternal life in the next Millennium. If you had said a madman ….you would have been thinking of ….someone else. Probably in politics. Norman, you said God and you were correct. (Audience applause). Norman, you are just 2 questions away. How do you feel?
NN: Nervous, Chris.
CA: Well, we must see if I can help to increase that nervousness. That’s why they gave me the job. Norman, you can see the next question and then you must decide whether to go for it. If you lose you drop right back to a state of insecurity and you go away with hope only for this life. But if you are right you will be one question away from being a Millennium Heir. Here’s the question: Do you believe that Jesus Christ can forgive you for everything that you have ever done wrong in this life or ever will. Is the answer: Yes... No... Might be able to... Don’t know? Now think about it, Norm.
NN: Chris, I don’t know.
CA: Is that your answer.
NN: No, I don’t know. Can I ask the audience?
CA: Well, you can try, but I think they’ve all gone to sleep. Wake them up someone. Audience, do you believe that Jesus Christ can forgive you for everything that you have ever done wrong in this life or ever will. Is the answer: Yes... No... Might be able to... Don’t know? Press your buttons now. Well, it seems pretty conclusive, Norm. But don’t let that sway you. Crowds have been known to be rather fickle or wrong.
NN: No, I’ll go for it, Chris. I’m going to say ‘Yes’
CA: Sure?
NN: Yes.
CA: You’re sure ‘ yes’ is the answer.
NN: The answer is a) yes, Chris.
CA: Norman Normal from Normington, you were 2 steps away from being a Millennium Heir……(getting really excited) you’re now just one step away. A) yes is the right answer. Norman do you want to stick here or do you want to go all the way. Please say you’ll carry on. There’s 5 minutes to fill before the commercials.
NN: I’m going to carry on, Chris.
CA: Great. Norman here’s your last question. Do you want to trust Jesus Christ, thank him for dying for your sin and follow Him for the rest of your life? Is the answer: I do... I won’t... I might... I’ll sit on the fence?
NN: It’s a hard one, Chris. But I’ll go for it. Err I’m almost sure….but….then again ….it could be…Chris, can I phone a friend?
CA: He’s not sure. He wants to phone a friend.
NN: I just said that.
CA: I know, I’m increasing the tension.
NN: Oh.
CA: Who do you want to phone, Norman.
NN: My granny. Granny Jo.
CA: Granny Jo it is then. (Sound of phone clicking) Granny Jo?
Jo: Hello. (deaf)
CA: Hello granny Jo. It’s Chris Arrogant from ‘Who wants to be a Millennium Heir?’ here.
Jo: Never heard of you.
CA. (Disappointed) Oh. Anyway I’ve got Norman with me.
Jo: Well send him back. He’s not had his tea.
CA: Granny Jo. Norman’s just one step away from being a Millennium Heir?
Jo: Well, a miss is as good as a mile.
CA: Granny Jo the next voice you’ll hear will be Norman’s.
Jo: Ooh that’ll be nice. I haven’t spoken to him in ages. How is he?
NN: Granny Jo. Please shut up.
Jo: All right then.
NN: Do I want to trust Jesus Christ, thank him for dying for my sin and follow Him for the rest of my life? Is the answer: I do... I won’t... I might... I’ll sit on the fence?
Jo: Hang on, Norman. You’ll have to speak up. I haven’t got my hearing aid in.
NN: Come on, granny. My whole future depends on it.
Jo: That’s better. Now what was it?
NN: Quick granny Jo. We haven’t got much time. Time’s running out.
Jo: You can say that again.
NN: Do I want to trust Jesus Christ, thank him for dying for my sin and follow Him for the rest of my life? Is the answer: I do... I won’t... I might... I’ll sit on the fence?
Jo: Well, Norman. I know what my answer is. Without a doubt, I do want to trust him. And I have. And I have followed him. But…
NN: Yes…aren’t you sure?
Jo: Oh no I’m as sure as sure can be. But don’t you see, Norman, I can only answer for myself. Even though I’m you’re granny I can’t speak for you. This is one question you’re going to have to answer for yourself.
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© Andy Lund, Durrington Christian Fellowship
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: andrew.lund@ntlworld.com