You're Not Too Late

By Glenn A. Hascall

Summary

This script can provide a humorous way to encourage couples to register for a church sponsored marriage retreat using famous and unfamiliar characters from Wonderland. Could also be modified to be a Valentine's Day script.

Characters

Alice: Quintessential Alice - play just like the Disney cartoon.
Mrs. Rabbit: Rough and tumble - Think Alice from Mel's Diner or someone from the Bronx - possibly Anne Oakley (Maybe a cowboy hat with rabbit ears).

Script

MRS. RABBIT: I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. Oh me, oh my, oh hear me sigh (Audible sigh) - I'm late I'm late, I'm late!

ALICE: (Off stage or back of the room) Oh, Rabbit.

MRS. RABBIT: What, what, what? Who is it? Show yourself.

ALICE: (Makes her way to the stage) It's me, Alice.

MRS. RABBIT: I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named Alice - although my husband did come home and say something about a restraining order for someone named Alice. I guess she just wouldn't leave him alone, kept hollering, "Mr. Rabbit - Mr. Rabbit." ------ Now, if you don't mind, I'm late. (Tries to walk away)

ALICE: (grabs her arm) Oh, but I do mind.

MRS. RABBIT: Why did I know that was coming? Go ahead, what is it you want? - Let's see, for Kansas it's a few click of the heels…

ALICE: No, no, no, I just want to know why you and Mr. Rabbit are in such a hurry?

MRS. RABBIT: (Insincere) Look, I feel like we've got a connection going on here, Alice. Womano to womano. (Suddenly forthright) Ya see, me and the Mr aren't on the best of terms right now. I need him at home and he's off having tea with the Mad Hatter. I'm needing a little scrapbook time for the family - we're rather large ya know - and he's always got some excuse about the queen - (Shouts) "OFF WITH HIS HEAD."

ALICE: Oh dear, it can't be all that bad.

MRS. RABBIT: No, that's what the queen says - I'd just like him home every now and again - and is it too much to ask for flowers or at least a well-seasoned carrot? A girl gets hungry, ya know! I even bought him a nice pocket watch. Now if you don't mind - I'm late, I'm late, for a very important…

ALICE: (Interrupts) Why are you late?

MRS. RABBIT: Well, mostly because some impish girl keeps asking me why I'm late.

ALICE: (Contemplative) I see. Nothing more frustrating than a chatterbox. That must just be awful. Do you know this girl?

MRS. RABBIT: (Duh factor here) You might say that?

ALICE: So what are you late for?

MRS. RABBIT: There's a marriage retreat coming up. (fill in details.) I want to go, but I need to get registered.

ALICE: Well, why didn't you say so?

MRS. RABBIT: Mostly because I felt like I was in interrogation room D and you were playing good cop/bad cop. Now can I go?

ALICE: Certainly you can go, but you must register first. (Slight chuckle) You can't very well go to a marriage retreat without registering. ---- Give Mr. Rabbit my regards. (Starts to wander off) Now where did Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum get off to?

MRS. RABBIT: (A bit disgusted) And a very merry unbirthday to you. (Checks watch) I've still got time to register (Looks out at the audience) and so have you.

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