Clean up this joint!

By Derek Wenmoth

Summary

3 woman on a day at the beach discuss the environment.

Characters:

Elizabeth:
Social status important to her, avoids conflict, proud of belonging to various social institutions (eg church) Dressed conservatively in a sundress and overlarge sunglasses.

Sally:
Slightly alternative - into all sorts of passing fads etc. Enthusiastic. Trendy/alternative dresser - designer sunglasses etc.

Claire:
"lower social standing" than the other two, main concern is how to survive the day with the kids to manage, and whether her numbers have come up in Lotto. Frumpily dressed - socks, jandals and sundress, with scarf over head. A smoker.

Setting

A popular beach

 

Script

Scene: two women relax in deckchairs at the beach, totally absorbed in soaking up the sun and the view. Their discussion relates to events in their lives and issues. As the play begins, Sally is reading a magazine. Elizabeth is sitting motionless with a reflector under her chin. A third deck chair is set up next to Sally's. Claire approaches from off stage to join Sally and Elizabeth, having obviously been involved in some 'tidying up' or similar, and looking forward to sitting down.

 

Claire:
(sounding tired) Let me at that chair...

Sally:
(Looking up) Oh hi, Claire... boy you look worn out!

Claire:
That's probably because I am! Those kids - they wear me out (waves behind her to indicate where a group of children can be imagined to be playing in the sand). I need to sit down. (Makes her way to the empty seat and 'falls' into it) Ah - that's better!

Elizabeth:
(remaining motionless) We were wondering where you'd gone - you're missing the best sun we've had this holiday!

Claire:
Don't talk to me about sun - that's why I'm late! (looks offstage to where 'children' are playing) Nikky - keep that hat on! (back to others) Do you know how long it takes to get four kids organised for a day at the beach these days?

Elizabeth:
Whatever do you mean?

Claire:
I'll tell you what I mean - first there's the sunscreen, then there's the lip screen, then there's the hats to put on - that hole sure has a lot to answer for!

Elizabeth:
What hole?

Sally:
I think she means the hole in the ozone

Claire:
(agreeing with Sally) Yeah - that's the one, the o..oz..oz... that hole.

Sally:
(eager to have her say) I was reading about that in this magazine - scientists reckon it's almost double the size it was five years ago!

Elizabeth:
So what - my Bernard's waistline is double what it was five years ago, but that hasn't made the headlines!

Sally:
Oh Elizabeth - you can hardly compare your Bernard's waistline with the hole in the ozone - we're talking about a global problem here, not just some petty family issue!

Elizabeth:
I think everyone's simply over-reacting here - it's all a conspiracy by the chemical companies to get us to buy their product!

Claire:
(holding up sunscreen bottle) They've sure had their money's worth from me!

Sally:
There's another thing - the chemical companies - we should be watching them too!

Elizabeth:
Whatever do you mean, Sally?

Sally:
It said in the latest Woman's Monthly that several chemical companies have been investigated lately for discharging dangerous amounts of hazardous waste into the atmosphere from their processing plants, and one has been prosecuted for discharging straight into the river!

Claire:
Where else can they get rid of it? My brother Andy says the abattoir where he works has had to pay big dollars to put in some fancy new thingumy, just because they got caught dumping eff...eff.. stuff into the river.

Elizabeth:
Yes - and we all know what that means - higher meat prices!

Sally:
Higher meat prices! The rivers are being polluted and you're worried about higher meat prices?

Claire:
Who cares about the rivers - once that stuff gets out to sea it's OK - the ocean is a big place you know! Meantime, I'm the one who has to try and feed the family on what Barry gets on the dole! (attention drawn to children playing in the sand) Hey Nikky - give your brother a turn with the spade - and don't keep taking your hat off!

Elizabeth:
I'm with Claire - given time, nature has a way of looking after herself. We should be more concerned about people and what they need!

Sally:
But that's just it - all of these things affect people! The ozone hole, the Amazon rainforests, acid rain in Europe - all of these things affect us eventually.

Claire:
That's all very well for you to say, Sally (takes out a cigarette to light up) but all of those things are a long way from here - I don't see how any of us can make any sort of difference to them. (goes to strike a match, then looks again at the children) Nikky - I told you to give the spade to your brother...!

Elizabeth:
Claire - do you mind?

Claire:
(trying to figure out what is being referred to) Huh? you saw him take his hat off didn't you?

Elizabeth:
No Claire - I meant that (gestures to indicate a cigarette) do you mind not lighting it?

Claire:
Why?

Elizabeth:
It's my asthma - sorry - smoke plays havoc with my breathing.

Claire:
(A little embarrassed, and reluctant, puts the cigarette back in its box muttering quietly) why don't you breathe somewhere else then?

Elizabeth:
Pardon?

Claire:
Nothing... it's just that, there's hardly anywhere left where I can legally light up - and now I can't even enjoy a cigarette in the wide open spaces of the beach? (notices children again) Nikky - shoo that dog away - it might bite! (gestures with hands)

Sally:
Are you two telling me you couldn't care less about what happens to our planet then? Are we meant to just sit by and watch everything being destroyed before our very eyes?

Claire:
(sarcastically, looking across the congregation, shading eyes with hand) Everything looks OK from where I'm sitting (nudges Elizabeth, then whispers) look at the biceps on that guy (Elizabeth looks, then both give a little giggle)

Sally:
(frustrated) You know what I mean - we need to be doing something, we need to make our feelings known...

Elizabeth:
(voice a little 'condescending') Here we go again - another advert for the Green Party, is it? Face it, Sally - there's nothing we can do. What do you propose - that we sponsor a giant sticking plaster to be placed over this imaginary hole in the sky? And what's wrong with a little effluent in our rivers - it's been happening for years and no-one has been affected that I know of! It's just another excuse to think of some stupid regulation to keep some government department in work. We need to be focusing on action that will give our young people jobs, lower our mortgage rates and keep the price of food down. (looks satisfied with what she has just said) That's what we should be doing!

Claire:
(Interrupting) Oh yuck!

Sally:
What?

Claire:
Did you see that? - that dog just did a giant doo-doos right beside my Nikky (stands, calls to Nikky) Nikky - don't move (runs off stage to help Nikky etc)

Elizabeth:
(calling after Claire) That sort of thing oughtn't be allowed - where is the owner? Doesn't he realise there are other people who want to use this beach? (lies back again and lifts reflector under her chin)

Sally:
(looks after Claire, then back at Elizabeth with a look of dismay - then shrugs shoulders, picks up towel and walks away)

 

© Derek Wenmoth 1996

All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed.

He may be contacted at: dwenmoth@xtra.co.nz