May I Help You?

by Joanne Miller

Summary

A woman goes to renew her driver’s license.  The county clerk is a stickler for following ALL the rules to the letter.  The woman finally gives up in frustration.  Both roles could be played by men or ladies.

Characters

Mrs. Hancock – County Clerk who is determined to “go by the rules”.
Julie – woman in need of a driver’s license renewal.

Script

(Scene opens with woman behind counter.  There is a rope partition as in a bank line.  Julie walks in and stands at the front of the line.)

Mrs. Hancock:  Are you in line?

Julie:   Yes.

Mrs. Hancock:  You’re on the wrong side of the rope.

Julie:   Oh.  Sorry.  (Steps to other side of rope.)

Mrs. Hancock:  Now, may I help you?

Julie:   Yes, please.  I need to renew my license.

Mrs. Hancock: (With a big sigh) I am legally authorized to issue marriage licenses, dog licenses, hunting licenses, boating licenses, alcohol licenses for county parks, gun licenses, restaurant licenses, entertainment licenses, bar licenses and driver’s licenses. Which do would you like?

Julie: My driver’s license.  I want to renew my driver’s license.

Mrs. Hancock: Very well.  Here are the forms.  You can take them over there and fill them out.

Julie:  Oh, I already have these forms.  I got them in the mail.

Mrs. Hancock: Very well.  Just go over there and fill them out.

Julie: They are already filled out.  I did them at home.

Mrs. Hancock: Fine.  Just let me check them over. (Pause)  This one is not signed.

Julie: Do you have a pen?

Mrs. Hancock: There is one over there.  Please step over there and finish filling out your forms so you don’t hold up the line.

Julie: (Julie looks around and sees there is no one else there.) But there’s no one else here.  Couldn’t I just sign this form here?

Mrs. Hancock: My dear young lady, I don’t make the rules.  I just enforce them and you are not allowed to fill out forms at the window. (She points to sign hanging with rules posted)

Julie: O.K.  I’ll be right back.  (She walks over and signs form.  Then walks back to window.)

Mrs. Hancock: Please get back in line and wait until you are called.

(Julie walks to wrong side of line again.  Mrs. Hancock clears her throat and motions her to correct side of line.  Julie quickly gets into place.)

Mrs. Hancock: Next please. (Julie walks up to window)

Julie:  I need to renew my license please.

Mrs. Hancock: I am legally authorized to issue marriage licenses, dog licenses, hunting …

Julie: My DRIVER’s license!  I want to renew my DRIVER’s license!

Mrs. Hancock: I can do that.  (Looks over papers) Everything seems to be in order here.

Julie: (With a sigh of relief) Good!

Mrs. Hancock: I just need your current driver’s license please.

Julie: All right. (She digs in purse but can’t seem to find license.)

Mrs. Hancock: Please step over there until you find your license so you don’t hold up the line.

Julie: (Looks around and no one else is there again) But…

Mrs. Hancock: My dear young lady…

Julie: I know, I know.  You don’t make the rules.  You just enforce them.

Mrs. Hancock: That’s quite right.

(Julie steps over to other area and finally finds her license.  She starts to walk to the window, catches herself and gets into the right side of the line.  Mrs. Hancock smiles at her.)

Mrs. Hancock: May I help you?

Julie: Yes, PLEASE!  I’d like to renew my DRIVER’s license.

Mrs. Hancock: Fine.  Yes, I think we have everything we need.  And here is your license back.  (She stamps all the papers front and back.)  Now that will be $45.00 please.

Julie: May I write a check?

Mrs. Hancock:  A personal check?

Julie: Yes, a personal check.

 Mrs. Hancock: Yes, you may but you’ll have to…

Julie: I know, I know.  I’ll have to step over there so I don’t hold up the line.

 Mrs. Hancock: Exactly.

(Julie writes check and gets back in line the right way this time.)

Mrs. Hancock:  Next please.

Julie:   I’d like to renew my DRIVER’s license please.

Mrs. Hancock:  Fine and you’re paying by personal check?

Julie:   Yes.

Mrs. Hancock:  Then I’ll need to see 2 forms of ID.

Julie:   Oh, forget it!!! (Julie exits)
 
Lights out.
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Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
This script may be performed free of charge, provided no charge is made for entrance or for programmes. In return, the authors would like to be notified of any performance. For further information regarding performance rights, they may be contacted at: joannesmiller65@gmail.com.