Ted: Just about. How about you?
Jan: I’m done. Let me read yours first.
Ted: No way. You read mine first last year. It’s my turn this year.
Jan: Yeah, right. You really remember who read first last year.
Ted: I do! Come on; give me your list of New Year’s Resolutions.
Jan: OK, but no laughing.
Ted: #1. I resolve to lose 10 lbs. Wait a minute, didn’t you resolve to lose 15 pounds last year?
Jan: Yeah. So?
Ted: Did you lose 15 pounds last year?
Jan: (Slowly, defensively) No. That’s why I put down 10 pounds this year. I’m trying to give myself a realistic goal.
Ted: I see. #2. I resolve to get up on the third snooze setting of the alarm clock. Oh, so this one is more realistic, too. You’re only going to hit snooze twice before you get up; is that it?
Jan: You know very well that I can’t get up on the first ring. I figure 3 is a pretty good number. At least it would be better than my usual 5 or 6.
Ted: That’s true. #3. I resolve to walk for at least 15 minutes twice a week. That’s not really enough to do you much good you know.
Jan: I know, but I figured I might be able to do that. If nothing else I could always walk on the weekends if I don’t make it during the week. It gets dark so early this time of the year.
Ted: Last year you were going to walk ½ an hour every day.
Jan: I know. That’s why I changed it; so this year maybe I can actually accomplish what I write down, not only that but maybe I’ll even exceed my goals.
Ted: That would be good. And last but not least we have resolution #4. I resolve to read my bible for 5 minutes every day. That’s great. At that rate you should get through the bible from cover to cover in only 4 and 1/2 years.
Jan: Very funny. I’m keeping it simple this year because I don’t want to fail at it again. Now let’s see your list.
Ted: Before I let you see it I want you to know that I was thinking along the same lines as you. I really want to be able to keep my resolutions this year so I’ve made a few adjustments too.
Jan: Let’s see.
Ted: No laughing!
Jan: #1. I resolve to watch at least one football game per weekend during the season. What kind of a resolution is that?
Ted: I told you; it’s one I can keep. Hey, this past football season I had a hard time getting in all the games I wanted to watch.
Jan: Oh really? You could have fooled me. You didn’t even miss the game on our anniversary!
Ted: You know very well that was an extremely important game or I wouldn’t have watched it that day.
Jan: Sure! Resolution #2 . I resolve to take a nap every Saturday at noon. You’ve got to be kidding.
Ted: They say naps are good for you, and since my boss gets a bit testy when I take one at work I figured Saturday was my best bet.
Jan: You’re making a resolution to take a nap? (Incredulously)
Ted: That’s right. You’re resolving to walk because somebody says that’s good for your health. Well, I’m going to take a nap for the same reason. What’s the difference?
Jan: (Shaking her head) And #3. I resolve to eat at least one hot fudge sundae every week!
Ted: Yeah, well that one may not be good for me, but I’m pretty sure I can keep that resolution.
Jan: Ted, a resolution is supposed to be something that’s good for you and makes you a better person.
Ted: Well, a hot fudge sundae every week will make me a better person.
Jan: How do you figure?
Ted: I’ll be so happy that I’ll be nicer to everybody else.
Jan: You can’t be serious about these as your resolutions. Come on now, tell me what you really are going to do this coming year.
Ted: Look, Jan, for the past 10 years I’ve made resolutions I haven’t even come close to keeping. This year I’m going to succeed – NO MATTER WHAT!
Lights out.
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Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
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