The Prayer Restaurant

By Cliff Hunse

Summary

The Prayer Restaurant is the latest craze in town. It has super specials - but you can only pray for yourself.

Characters

Maitre De (waiter),  upscale restaurant type, somewhat snooty
Everyday married Couple, Fred and Anne Campbell

Script

(Scene opens in upscale restaurant)
Waiter: Good evening sir, and welcome to St. Frances.  Do you have a reservation?
Fred: Uh, yes, under Campbell? (starts to point his name out in the book, but the waiter slams the book on him)
Waiter: Ah, yes,  Mr. and Mrs. Campbell, table for two, non smoking.  Your table will be ready momentarily.
Fred: Thank you.  (waiter moves off)  (to Anne) So, what do you think, isn’t this great?
Anne: Well, it certainly is classy.  Is it really as good as they say?
Fred: Better.  Jim was here last week, and he said it was more than just an evening out, it was a whole experience!
Anne: (a bit sarcastically)  “A whole experience”?  What’s that supposed to mean?  You sound like a TV commercial.
Fred: (a bit defensive) I’m just telling you what he told me, that’s all.  I don’t know what he meant, and you don’t have to get so nasty about it.
Anne: I’m not getting nasty, it’s just…Look, Fred, let’s not fight, ok?  We’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and I just want an nice evening out, not a whole experience.
Fred: So who’s fighting?  This’ll be great, I promise.  Oh, look, here comes the waiter.
Waiter: Mr. and Mrs Campbell, so sorry for the wait, but your table is ready now.  This way, please.
Fred: Thank you.  (they both follow the waiter, and are seated)
Waiter: I trust this table is to your liking?
Fred+Anne: Yes, this is just fine, etc.
Waiter: Excellent!  Now, would you like to hear the specials for this evening, or would you like to see a menu?
Fred:  I think we’ll hear what the specials are before we see the menus, is that ok, dear?
Anne: Yes, that’s fine, thanks.
Waiter: Very good, madam.  For this evening, we start off with a small order of Daily Bread, or your Children’s Health.  The main course this evening is either a Better Group of Friends, done any way you like, or perhaps I could interest you in a Higher Standard of Living than you have now.  And for dessert we have a choice between No Visits from your in-laws for one year, or…
Anne: I’m sorry, can I cut in for a moment?
Waiter: Of course, madam,  would you like me to start again?
Anne: No, I heard you, but what about our dinner?  This special sounds more like, well, wishes or something.
Waiter: Perhaps the madam is unclear as to the nature of our service.  This is a prayer restaurant, you see.
Anne: A prayer restaurant?  Fred, what’s going on here?
Fred: Waiter, could we have few moments please?  I think I need to clear some things up.
Waiter: See to it that you do, sir.  Otherwise we’ll have to give your table to someone else.
Fred: No, no, please, that won’t be necessary.
Waiter: Very good sir.  I’ll be back in a few moments to take your orders.  (moves away)
Fred: (calls after him)  Thank you.  (to Anne)  What are you doing, trying to get us kicked out?  It took me forever to get these reservations.
Anne: Me?!  No, of course not, Fred, but what’s going on here?  What kind of a restaurant is this?
Fred: You heard the waiter, it’s a prayer restaurant.
Anne: So what’s a prayer restaurant?   I’ve never heard of such a thing!
Fred: That’s because it’s completely new, and very exclusive.  They don’t just let anyone here, you know.  You have to know the right people.
Anne: So we just come here to pray?  Why not just go to a church on Sunday, or just close your eyes and fold your hands?
Fred: Oh, that’s the old way to pray, and it never works anyway.  This is better.
Anne: It is?  How does it work?
Fred: All you have to do is give your prayer order to the waiter, and he takes it from there.
Anne: Takes it to where?
Fred: I don’t know, to the back somewhere.  They don’t let anybody back there, liability issues I guess.
Anne: Oh.  So, does it work?
Fred: Well, Jim did say that it was a whole new experience.
Anne: (sarcastically) And we can’t question Jim, now, can we?
Fred: Honey, please, just give it a try, ok?
Anne: All right.  But this had better work.
Fred: It will, I promise.  Shh, here comes the waiter.
Waiter: So, would you like to order now, (stuck up) or does Madam need more time?  At home?
Fred: No, no, it’s ok, we’ll order, please.
Waiter: Very good sir.  Madam?
Anne: Well, I guess I’ll have, um, World Peace.
Waiter: Oh, please, madam… would you like fries with that?
Fred Anne, what’s the matter with you?
Anne: What is it now?
Fred: You can’t order prayers like that!
Anne: Why not?
Fred: Because it’ll never happen, that’s all.  (to waiter)  She’ll have…More Money,  Good Hair, and a side order of Sucessful Children.
Waiter: Very good, sir, and for yourself?
Fred: I think I’ll just have the special.
Waiter: Would you like Higher Standard of Living, or Better Friends?
Fred: Uh, which do you recommend?
Waiter: The Better Friends main course is excellent  this evening, sir.
Fred: Ok, I’ll go with that.
Waiter: Very good sir.  If you’ll excuse me…
Anne: Fred, what was that all about?  Did I ask for something wrong?
Fred: Well, for Pete’s sake Anne, you don’t just ask for World Peace.
Anne: Why not, it was on the menu, wasn’t it?
Fred: Sure it was, but but that’s not the point.  You can only order prayers that will only benefit you, you see.  I mean, what good is World Peace to you anyway?
Anne: I don’t know, I just thought that it would be a good thing to pray for, that’s all.
Fred: Honey, it is a good thing, we’re just not going to get it, and it doesn’t help us anyway.  Just be happy when you get your Good Hair order.
Anne: Ok, if you say so.  But would it be alright to order a prayer for the Johnson’s at the end of the street?  One of their kids is pretty sick.  And Jake and Sandra’s marriage is in trouble, so maybe it would be a good idea to…
Fred: No, Anne, aren’t you listening?  We can only order prayers for ourselves.  Look, if those people want to come in here and order a prayer, they can do it themselves.  There’s no point in our doing it for them.
Anne: But Fred, what kind of people would we be if we didn’t at least pack a prayer doggie bag for them or something?
Fred: The kind of people with no class, that’s what kind.  You can’t put extra unused prayers in a doggie bag, anyway.
Anne: Why not?  It could mean a lot to them.
Fred: Look, Anne, prayers for these people won’t work any better than world peace.  That kid’s always going to be sick or even worse, and Jake and Sandra’s marriage has been a sham from the beginning.  There’s no point in ordering prayers for hopeless cases.
Anne But these are people,  not hopeless cases, so how dare you talk about them that way?  And how do you know that prayers for them won’t happen?  Did your fancy “prayer restaurant” tell you?  If we can pray for ourselves, we can certainly pray for them!  (pause) This place makes me sick, I’m leaving.
Fred: But, Honey, be reasonable…
(Waiter comes in with a tray, and smoothly exits again as Anne cancels good hair order)
Anne: No, I won’t.  And you can cancel my order for good hair, too, how do you like that!  (messes up her hair)  Goodbye! (exits)
Fred: (calls after her, pleading, whining)  Anne!
Waiter: Sir, will you be ordering prayers for one this evening?
Fred: Yeah, I guess so.
Waiter: Then allow me to suggest our latest special, sir.
Fred: And what’s that?
Waiter: We call this prayer, “Make my wife see things my way”.  Would you like to try it?
Fred: Sure, in fact, I’ll take two!
Waiter: Very good sir.  I’ll just leave you with the menu in case you see anything else you’d like.
Fred Thank you. (waiter moves off)  World Peace, what a nutjob. (lights fade)
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Copyright Cliff Hunse, all rights reserved.
This script may be used without payment, provided no charge is made for admission to the performance. In return, the author would like to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at c.hunse@3web.net