Summary: Jesus pointed out by using the analogy of birds and lilies the futility of worrying about material things. This sketch builds on the same picture in a humorous way.
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 7min
Crow 1, Crow 2, Lily
Crow 1: (Sleeks his coat/feathers. He is dressed in morning coat and has yellow beak.)
(To himself) Mmm… how does that look? Oh, I’m not sure…
(Pats his hair or licks it in place) That’s a bit better. Oh, I don’t know though. That feather’s a bit out of place again. (Makes rearrangement). I get so ruffled up in this cold weather. Life is so rough for a crow.
Crow 2: (landing, -Crow 1 is startled)) Morning Russell. How’s tricks this morning?
Crow 1: Stone the men, you gave me such a shock. I was preoccupied. Where have you come from?
Crow 2: On the top field. Quite a supply of worms and grubs on that as they are ploughing it.
Crow 1: You have been all up that. It’s quite some way.
Crow 2: Not as the man walks.
Crow 1: Suppose so.
Crow 2: So how’s things?
Crow 1: Oh, you know, Carrie. So, so. Nothing to crow about. I don’t particularly like these colder mornings. It takes me so long to get my feathers sorted out with them all being ruffled up. And just get myself half decent and the wind blows up and gets them all out of place again. I have to go back to my nest for a wash and brush up.
Crow 2: Oh, know what you mean. Just the same with my feathers. Get so easily out of place. You know, I’m sure one fell out yesterday. One of my tail ones.
Crow 1: Oh no. How dreadful. Can you cover it in some way?
Crow 2: Well I’ve tried but it’s not easy. I don’t know - there’s always something to worry about, isn’t there. I used to pride myself on my good looks.
Crow 1: Yes life is a worry. Apart from our fading good looks there’s the constant search for food. You never seem to know where the next worm is coming from.
Crow 2: I know what you mean. I tried drying a few and storing them for later but they taste disgusting. They lose all their juice. Taste like a rubber tyre.
Crow 1: You know, it’s modern life that takes it out of you. Constantly on the go like you never know what’s round the corner, where the next meal’s coming from.
Crow 2: Or if you are the next meal.
Crow 1: What do you mean?
Crow 2: Oh, didn’t you hear about my cousin the other day?
Crow 1: Oh, he wasn’t involved in that incident with the other crows over at King’s Meadow.
Crow 2: Precisely him and 23 others. Or should I say three and twenty? Quietly going about their own business - next thing they know they’re in a pie and being served up for royalty without so much as a by your leave.
Crow 1: How terrible!
Crow 1: Didn’t even have the decency to put them out of their misery before sticking them in the oven. Baked alive.
Crow 1: Oh, how awful. Baked alive. I don’t know what the world’s coming to. We’ll be next, mark my words. We won’t be spared just because we’re the bigger cousins.
Crow 2: It’s nothing but worry from your first cheep until your final croak.
Crow 1: Then there’s the worry about what you’re going to do for work.
Crow 2: Oh, I know. Every morning the decision about which field to fly to. Where are the most worms. Where have they been ploughing recently. How to stop the seagulls muscling in. All those things (They gradually flap to stage right).
(They discover Lily, actor dressed up as lily plant)
Oh, hello Lily. Fancy seeing you here.
Lily: It’s where I live. I am not nomadic.
Crow 2: Actually, I thought I saw you the other day somewhere else. When I was flying over the village pond actually.
Lily: That wasn’t me. That’s my cousin. Quite like me and I get on fine with her but she’s so much more attractive than I am and she doesn’t have to spend half the time I do moisturising and with petal care. Don’t know how she does it.
Crow 1: Being stuck in all that water in the pond, I suppose.
Lily: Expect so. Doesn’t seem fair somehow. And she’s always so well dressed. I spend hours on my outfit and I never seem to get it right.
Crow 2: Lilly, you are beautiful. Don’t make comparisons with your cousin.
Lily: I’m not really.
Crow 1: You’ve just got a low self-image.
Lily: Well can you wonder when half my family’s getting carted off to funerals at a moments notice. Never know when it’s going to be my turn.
Crow 2: We were just saying how tough life is, what a worry. We’ve been dealt a rough hand.
Lily: (sprays on scent. Crows sniff appreciatively) Yes, it surely is. If only we’d been born as humans. They’ve got no worries.
Crows: No. Lucky things!
© Andy Lund, all rights reserved
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