Summary: A light-hearted version of the classic story.
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 15-20min.
Actors: 6M/F, 1+F
Wastrel friends (M & F)
Song: Routine Dance to Bet on it (performed by dancers)
Younger son: Bored, bored, bored, bored, and bored. Man I’m bored, so bored I’m bored of being bored. (turning to audience) Did I mention I was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bo……..
Elder son: Ok, I think we get the message.
Younger son: So what are you doing today, anything exciting?
Elder son: Actually now you ask, yes I am.
Younger son: What is it then?
Elder son: Oooo, I don’t know if I should say really, as it’s so exciting and, well, I don’t want you butting in on my fun.
Younger son: (angrily) Just tell me what you’re doing, before I slap you.
Elder son: Ok then, are you ready? No, I can’t say, it’s too exciting.
Younger son: (even angrier) Tell me now, before I sl……… (raising his hand)
Elder son: Ok, Ok calm down; if you must know I’m going to look after the sheep.
Younger son: Look after the sheep, look after the sheep. That’s it, that’s your exciting thing? Well, hey lucky you.
Elder son: I know, I can’t wait.
Younger son: (slapping his forehead) You’re so sad; I can’t believe we’re related.
Elder son: Come on, it’ll be fun, and if you’re lucky I’ll even let you count them.
Younger son. (Sarcastically) Oh what fun. Let me just get ready and I’ll be right with you. NOT.
Elder son: (excitedly) Ha ha. Well if you want to miss all the fun, that’s up to you, you can please yourself. I’m off. (leaves room)
Younger son: Yeah, off your rocker if you think that’s fun and exciting. I so need to get out of here. I need to start enjoying life. I’m just not cut out to be stuck on this boring old farm. I need freedom and excitement, I need to live, I need fun, I need to get out of here and quick. (thinking) I know, I’ll go and ask dad if he will let me have my share of the property now, sell it ,and with the money I can go and have some fun whilst I’m still young. After all, I don’t wanna turn out like big bro, all dull and boring. And anyway, what’s the use of waiting until I’m old, I won’t be able to enjoy it so much then. Brilliant idea, even if I do say so myself. (Creeping) Daddy, oh Daddy, can I have a word.
Song: Breakaway – Kelly Clarkson (sung by younger son)
Younger son: So Dad, what do you think?
Father: It’s not exactly what I had in mind, but ok. I don’t think your brother will be very happy, though.
Younger son: Why not, he’ll be too busy counting his sheep to even notice I’ve gone.
Father: True, but he still won’t like it.
Younger son: Then why not keep it our little secret.
Younger son: Come on, you’re the one who said he wouldn’t like it, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him will it.
Father: No I can’t. I mean he’s sure to notice you’re not here eventually.
Younger son: Exactly, but I’ll be well gone by then.
Father: No, no I’ll have to tell him and he’ll just have to lump it, won’t he.
Younger son: Look dad, I’m sorry but I just can’t bear it any longer. I’m bored. I need to get out and live a bit. You understand, don’t you?
Father: Not really, but if you’re really unhappy here, I don’t suppose there is anything else I can say that will make you change your mind. So here. (giving him a cheque).
Younger son: Thanks dad, you won’t regret this. (running off towards his bedroom)
Father: (under his breath) I think I will, but hey, too late now.
Song: Father and Son – Boyzone. (sung by father and son)
Younger son: (looking at his cheque) 500 thousand quid. Ha I can’t believe this is happening, and it's mine, all mine.
Elder son: (entering the bedroom). I can’t believe dad has given you that money, you just don’t care about anyone but yourself.
Younger son: He told you then.
Elder son: Obviously, why wouldn’t he. I’m the eldest; he tells me everything.
Youngest son: Oh yeah, I forgot you’re the favourite.
Eldest son: Exactly, and you’re the lazy, selfish one.
Younger son: Oh shut up, you’re just jealous because you didn’t think of it.
Elder son: No, I’m not.
Younger son: Well stop moaning then, after all it’s all right for you you’re dull. You fit in great around here.
Elder son: Ha ha, very funny. Some of us have got work to do. Have fun, oh and don’t rush back will you.
Younger son: (sarcastically) Oh go and (under his breath) boil your head... erm, I mean count your sheep.
Elder son: (leaving the room) ooooooo. (under his breath) You selfish turd.
Younger son: Now he’s gone let’s get down to business. Am I ready? Have I got everything? Let's see: money, check; (turning to audience) get it, check; oh forget it, I haven’t got time; tickets, check; and passport, check. Then I’m ready, ready to go and have some fun. Good life here I come.
Song: Time for me to fly – Jonas Brothers (routine dance performed by dancers)
Younger son: (sitting in a club with a load of friends) This is much better, this is the life, fun, fun, fun, and not a sheep in sight. Life just can’t get any better than this.
Girl: Talking of fun, can we dance now?
Younger son: In a minute, there’s plenty of time. I think we need more champagne, this bottle is empty. (waving the empty bottle and shouting over to his mates dancing) Hey, you lot, want more champers?
Friend: Sure, if it’s your round. (walking off the dance floor with his mates towards the table)
Younger son: I think it may be someone else’s turn, actually.
Friend: We’re all skint, so maybe it’s best if we just go.
Younger son: Go, but the night's still young.
Girl: And I haven’t had chance to dance yet.
Younger son: Tell you what .as I’m a nice guy I’ll get this round.
Friends: In that case I think we could stay a little longer. (walking back towards the dance floor)
Younger son: I can’t believe I have such great friends. (shouting over the music to the barman) Another couple of bottles of your finest kind, sir. (taking the bottles of champagne back to his table.) This is the life. Drink up everyone.
Girl: Ok ,so now can we dance.
Younger son: Why not, lets go. (taking all his friends with him.)
Song: Club music dancing.
(A few months later.)
Younger son: (sitting in the same club) I can’t believe how much fun I’m having. I have great friends, no boring work, no sheep, no boring brother, no one telling me what I can and can’t do. This is great. I am so lucky. Hey guys, anyone want another drink.
Friends: (all together) Yeah please.
Younger son: Then go buy your own, ha ha. Only kidding. What a joker I am.
Friends: (all together) Yeah, real funny.
Younger son: So champagne for everyone right? (shouting over the music to the barman) A couple bottles of your finest champagne, please sir, and make it quick, we’re gagging.
Barman: Yes sir.
Younger son: Oh and have one yourself.
Younger son: (handing his credit card over to the barman) Sorry I don’t have any cash on me, I was in a bit of a rush if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, can I pay on my card.
Barman: Yes sir, no problem. (taking card) I’m sorry sir, this card is no good.
Younger son: (confused) What do you mean no good? Are you trying to tell me, of all people, that I have no money? Are you serious? Here try this one.
Barman: That’s no good either sir, I’m sorry.
Younger son: (shouting over to his so called mates) Hey guys, any of you got any money, seems I forgot my wallet, you know, rushing out like I did.
Friends: (altogether) Soz mate we’re skint.
Younger son: Hey come on, I’ve paid for everything the last few months.
Friends: We know, more fool you (laughing).
Younger son: What! You mean you were just using me for my money?
Friends: Well yeah, duh. I mean, come on, it wasn’t for your great personality or your good sense of humour because, well, you don’t have either.
Younger son: Oh great, thanks a lot. Well I don’t need any of you.
Barman: And you won’t be having that champagne either. Sorry mate, no money no drink.
Younger son: Fine. It tasted like dish water anyway.
Song: Yesterday – The Beatles. (sung by younger son with a little help from the barman)
Younger son: (out on the streets and pulling his few possessions about in a trolley) Oh man, having no money stinks. I need to get a job, and quick. I don’t know if I can take another night out here on the streets, freezing to death.
Song: Avril Lavigne – Nobody's home. (sung by younger son)
Younger son: Right, the next farm I come to I’m going in to see if they have any jobs. (walking past at least 4) Well maybe the next one. (Walking past that one as well) This is ridiculous; right, the next one. (knocking on the farmhouse door) Excuse me, I was wondering if you had any jobs going? I’m strong and healthy and will do anything.
Farmer 1: Sorry mate, I don’t, I don’t even have enough work for myself.
Younger son: That’s ok, I understand. (knocking at the next farmhouse door) Hi, I was wondering if you had any jobs going? I’ll do anything.
Farmer 2: I suppose I could do with someone to look after me pigs. Can’t pay ya much though, and you’ll need to sleep outside with them as well, sorry.
Younger son: Fine, I’ll do it, just show me the way and I’ll start straight away.
Farmer 2: Here ya go, (with a slight smile on his face) make yourself at home.
Younger son: (sarcastically) Thanks.
Farmer 2: (walking back towards the house) Oh, and feel free to help yourself to anything you like. (Laughing)
Younger son: (sarcastically) Well thank you. Who would of thought I would end up living with pigs. My know-it-all brother, that’s who. He said I’d regret it. Wonder what he’s doing now, probably still counting his sheep. At least he has somewhere warm to sleep at night, though, and food to eat. Oh well, suppose I’d better make myself comfy.
Song: All by myself. – Celine Dion
Farmer 2: (talking to younger son) Sleep well.
Younger son: Not particularly, (sarcastically) but thanks for asking.
Farmer 2: Whatever, I’ll be in the upper field if you need me for anything, trying out my brand new combine harvester, but I’m sure the pigs won’t mind sharing, if you ask them nicely.
Younger son: (sarcastically) Mmmmm yummy. Can’t wait.
Farmer 2: Just help yourself (laughing and walking away) .
Younger son: I’d love to help myself to smacking you right now.
Farmer 2: I heard that. Now get on with your work. (Singing) I’ve got a brand new combine harvester.
Song: Lonely Day – Phantom Planet. (routine dance performed by dancers)
Younger son: This is ridiculous. My father treats his workers better than he’s treating me. Maybe, just maybe, I’d be better off going home. Nah. I mean, I don’t think I could cope with big bro saying I told you so. Maybe it’s best to just grin and bear it. (settling down for the nights with the pigs) Shove over piggy.
Farmer 2: (shouting) Oi, get up you lazy pig. Sorry not you Oliver, I mean the one with two legs. (shoving younger son)
Younger son: (pushing farmer back) Get off me.
Farmer 2: You should have been up hours ago. I was gonna give you a break and get you to work in the top field for me, whilst I went down to the market, but seems to me you obviously like it here sleeping with the pigs.
Younger son: (sarcastically) Seems it does doesn’t it. So are you going to get out of my way so I can get on with my job?
Farmer 2: How’s about I get out of your way so you can leave.
Younger son: (shouting) Fine, I was going home anyway, this place stinks and it’s not the smell of the pigs.
Farmer 2: (shouting) Get off my farm, you good-for-nothing little toad.
Younger son: My pleasure.
Song: Hurt – Christina Aguillera
Younger son: (walking towards his dad's farm) Ok, I’ll just tell my dad, I am a waste of space who has hurt him and God and therefore no longer fit enough to be called his son. I’ll just offer to be one of his workers and nothing more needs to be said about the matter. Now am I going the right way or what? I’ll just ask that man when I get a little closer.
Dad: (thinking to himself) I wonder if I’ll have any luck today?
Younger son: I can’t believe I’m actually considering this, maybe I should just turn around.
Dad: (thrilled) That’s him, I’m sure it is, that’s my youngest son. (running towards his son).
Younger son: (a little scared) Too late now as that man is coming towards me. I wonder what he wants, I mean look at me, I’m hardly worth mugging. Oh well, so close and yet so far.
Dad: (getting closer) It is him, it really is.
Younger son: Hang on, that looks like my dad. No, couldn’t be, after all he probably wouldn’t even remember me. No, that is definitely my dad.
Dad: (throwing his arms around his son and kissing him)
Younger son: Hey, easy on the kissing dad.
Dad: Is it really you?
Younger son: It was this morning when I last checked.
Dad: I can’t believe you’ve come home.
Younger son: Yeah, but look dad, I’ve hurt you and God, and I really don’t think I’m fit to be called your son any more. Just let me be one of your workers, feed me and treat me well, that’s all I ask.
Dad: What? What are you on about? Come on back to the house and you can tell me everything - after you’ve bathed, of course as you smell horrendous. I thought I’d lost you and now you’re back, its time to celebrate.
Younger son: But, but dad....
Dad: Never mind, come on. (running towards the house together.)
Song: Wrong Again – Jonas Brothers. (sung by younger son)
Elder son: (approaching the house, he sees his father looking for him) What’s up, what’s going on?
Dad: Your brother is back. We’re going to have a party, invite your mates round.
Elder son: (shouting) What, he comes back after all this time, skint I bet, and you want to throw him a party. The only thing I’d be throwing is him out of here. Have you gone totally mad?
Dad: (sarcastically) Nooooo. I’ve just missed him so much and thought that now he’s come home it would be nice to celebrate.
Elder son: So you thought you’d throw him a party, and what about me? I’ve been working my backside off all this time for you and you’ve never thrown me a party, yet turd face comes back after all this time without even so much of a hello, wish you were here, spends all the money you gave him on trash and you, what do ya know, you wanna throw him a party.
Dad: So what you saying then?
Elder son: I’m saying he doesn’t deserve a party. But I’ll tell you what he does deserve, he deserves a good slap.
Dad: But he’s your brother -aren’t you glad he’s back safe and well?
Elder son: That depends if you want me to tell the truth or not.
Dad: I thought you’d be happy now your brother is back, and that you would want to join the celebration.
Elder son: (sarcastically) No daddy dear ,I don’t want to celebrate.
Dad: Guess I got that wrong as well then.
Elder son: Yeah, seems you did. (turning away)
Dad: Just one more thing before you go, though. You were always here and everything I have is yours, yet your brother was lost and now he has been found. And even if you don’t, I really think that’s worth celebrating, don’t you?
Elder son: Just go then, Dad.
Song. Jealous Guy – John Lennon - (sung by elder son)
Younger son: Hey dad, where’s bro? Isn’t he coming?
Dad: I tried son, but he said he was far too busy counting his sheep. You know how he loves to count them sheep.
Younger son: (a little upset) Yeah, I sure do.
Dad: But you never know, maybe he’ll change his mind and join us later.
Younger son: Maybe. But let's celebrate.
Party scene – Party music. (Macerina, Saturday Night, The Stomp.)
Routine Dance to Bet on it – (performed by the dancers)
© Copyright Jeanette Walters, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.