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Synopsis:
Summary: A skit about servanthood, selfishness, and self-centered worship. A married couple enters what appears to be a restaurant.  They are greeted by a hostess, who engages them in conversation about their preferences and how this “business” will be able to fulfill them.  They are presented with a very large menu and an explanation of it.  Then, at the very end, it’s revealed that the “business” is actually a church.  Keywords: Worship, church, service, servanthood, selfishness.
Style:  Drama.   Duration: 6min
Actors: 1M, 1F, 1M/F

Setting:
The entrance to what is, presumably, a restaurant, but actually a church building

Characters:
Husband (H)
Wife (W)
Greeter (G)

Props:
Large 2 or 3 fold cardboard that clearly says “Menu” on it.  Small podium, like that used by a hostess who greets at a restaurant.

Script

(G is standing at podium.  H&W enter slowly, looking around, studying the place)

G – Hi!

H – Hi, this is our…

G – (interrupts) First time here, right?  I can always tell when someone is new to us.  That’s alright!  My name’s Alva.  It’s my job to make sure you’re welcomed.

W – We usually go to the other place down the street, but it seems like lately they’re just not real worried about keeping us there.  So, I guess you could say we’re looking to change, you know?

G – Sure. We get a lot of people who come here just like you.  I think you’ll find that it’s all about you here.  That’s our motto.  When you’re here, you’re family!

H – Are we early?  Is there a long wait?

G – No, not at all!  We’re open a lot more hours than the other places.  I should be able to get you right in and seated.

W – You know, the other place just always seemed so full of people.  It was getting to where I just couldn’t stand the crowd.

G – Oh, not us!  There’s always plenty of room here.

H – This might seem shallow, but do you play that Frank Sinatra sounding music all the time?  I just can’t stand that!  Seems like that other place just got stuck on that and played it over and over and over (wife elbows him to stop him).

G – No, we’re careful to play just the music our patrons enjoy the most.  I guess you could say we want you to come hungry and leave happy!

W – As long as we’re asking, do you keep it cold?  That other place was always so cold.  I had to wear a sweater every time.

G – That’s one of the features here I’m really proud of.  We have it just the right temperature to keep everyone happy.  If you’re too hot, we turn down the heat.  If you’re too cold, we turn up the heat.  If the lighting is too bright, we turn it down for you.  And if it’s not bright enough, we turn it up for you.  If the music’s too loud, we make it softer, and if you can’t hear it, we turn it up!

H – That’s amazing!  You guys really think outside the bun!

G – Yes we do!  Now, (producing a huge menu) here’s a chance for you to see all we have to offer.  (H & W take the menu and begin to study it over)

W – Wow!  This is huge!  You really have a lot of  items here!

G – Yes, Maam.  Everything from light appetizers to meat and potatoes.  We want you to be eatin’ good in the neighborhood!  You deserve a break today, so we want you to have it your way.

H – (looks up from the menu)  Hey, wait, aren’t those jingles from other…

G – (interrupts) Well, yes they are, but we figure if something works, why not use it, right?

H - Yeah, I guess so! (pauses)  I’m lovin’ it!

W – (still studying the menu)  What about for the kids?  Will our kids like it here?  What do you have for them?  

G – This is a place where a kid can be a kid!  We have plenty of items for the little ones.  You won’t have to worry about them keeping entertained!  

W – That’s great, because if we have to just deal with the kids the whole time, it’s like, what’s the use in even coming?

G – Oh, I know what you mean.  I remember what it was like when my kids were little.  We make sure that Mom and Dad are free to enjoy themselves.  OK, well, are you ready to be seated?

H – Sure.  (handing back the menu)

G – OK, let’s see if we can get you a pew in the back.  That way, if you want to text message and stuff during the worship time, you can without someone bothering you. (all 3 begin to move off together)

W – Oh, by the way, you don’t require tithing or anything like that, do you?  The other place started getting real pushy about it.

G – No.  We don’t talk about that. (all 3 continuing to exit stage)

H – And we don’t have to actually do anything do we?  Like, work, or help out, or be involved with stuff?

G – No.  There’s always someone else to do things like that.  After all, you’re here to be served aren’t you?

(husband and wife both smile and nod with very satisfied looks as all 3 leave)

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© Sherm Nichols, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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