Summary: A husband’s misconceived treatment of his wife is exposed. This sketch isn’t a figment of imagination, it really did happen! (Well, the exact details of the argument aren’t known, but everything else is fact). Probably every Christian has been like Caroline or Philip to some degree. We all pretend to be something we are not. Keywords: Love, submission, husbands, wives, marriage, servanthood.
Style: Drama. Duration: 7min
Actors: 2M, 1F
Scripture: Eph. 5:21-32
Caroline – self-pitying, but put-upon wife.
Philip – a patronising self-righteous pratt.
Pastor Goodright – a tactful, very astute minister.
(It is morning, Caroline is busy, preparing Sunday breakfast. Her husband comes in, yawning and stretching.)
Caroline: Good morning darling! (puckers lips for a kiss, but gets an absent-minded pat on the head from Philip who has picked up the newspaper).
Philip: Morning, dear. (sits down at table, sweeping a pile of ironing on the floor). That’s what I like to see, busy little woman getting the breakfast. Two eggs please, and try not to break them, will you? You know what this morning’s reading was?
Caroline: No, but I’ve a feeling I’m going to find out (taps egg on side of pan).
Philip: Titus 2. About the older woman training the younger women to love their husbands and children; to be self-controlled……
Caroline: (through gritted teeth) Really!
Philip: …to be busy at home, to be obedient to their husbands…
Caroline: Did you happen to read the bit about husbands loving their wives as God loves the church? (looks at pan, she has broken the eggs) It’ll have to be scrambled.
Philip: Oh, not again! You really must be more careful, Caroline. And you’ll have to get a move on, Pastor Goodright said he’d give us a lift to church this morning. He’ll be here at ten past.
Caroline: If you could possibly see your way to giving me a lift, the job would get done much quicker! (during this last speech, the pastor has been making his way to the door, but upon hearing the argument, glances at his watch, and, because his is early, he tiptoes away)
Philip: Me? Help you? But this is your job, looking after me and the home! I go out to work five days a week, I shouldn’t have to help to make breakfast!
Caroline: I go out to work, too! Part-time. But I’ve got all the housework and laundry to do!
Philip: Oh, give us a break!
Caroline: Break! Huh! You know what you are, don’t you? A… a… Pauline sexist!
Philip: Who? Me? The husband is the head of the wife…
Caroline: (she slams the eggs down on the table) …and Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest! All I can say is ‘chance would be a fine thing’.
Philip: Don’t preach to me, my girl! It’s plain to see you got out of the wrong side of the bed!
Caroline: Well, you wouldn’t know would you? Dead to the world, mouth open, snoring, whilst I – I get up to make your breakfast, more fool me!
Philip: I do not snore! And don’t you think you’d better get ready? You’re not even dressed, you look a mess.
(This is the last straw for Caroline. She picks up his plate of eggs and empties it on his head. She exits, furious. While she harangues him from the wings, he attempts to clean himself up, using an item of ironing from the floor).
Carol: Every Sunday it’s the same! You never lift a finger to help! You’re no different than any other man I know! (the doorbell rings) That sounds like Pastor now, do you think you could manage to open the door? (she enters. All dressed up, with large flamboyant hat).
Philip: (opens door) Oh, Hello Pastor Goodright! Do come in. We’re almost ready, aren’t we, petal? Oh, don’t you look wonderful?
Caroline: Oh, thank you Philip, you certainly know how to make a woman feel good! How are you Pastor?
Pastor: Very well, thank you, fine… er… fine. Oh, I say. What a splendid hat.
Philip: Yes, I like to see a hat on a woman. A true sign of submission to the husband, don’t you think, Pastor? Your sermon all ready?
Pastor: Yes, and I’m sure it will be a timely word for some in the congregation! (they start to exit down the aisle, still talking).
Philip: Are you going to give us a preview?
Caroline: Oh do please!
Pastor: It’s about hypocrisy, you know – wearing a special Sunday mask, along with the best Sunday clothes. And how we should all examine ourselves before taking communion… And how God looks on the inside… (Exit).
© Copyright Susan Walton, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.