Summary: A pantomime-style version of the arrival of the Wise Men at the palace of King Herod.
Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 15min
Actors: 6M, 1F
Oojit (his servant)
3 Wise Men
HEROD: Man, I’m in such a good mood today, in fact I’m so happy I feel like having a little sing song. Who’s with me?
(Herod looks out to the audience for any volunteers.)
HEROD: You’re no fun, are you? I’ll just have to go find my servant dude, Oojit. OOJIT, OOJIT.
(Herod goes off to find his servant)
(Once he has found him he re-enters the stage with a reluctant Oojit.)
OOJIT: Let me get this straight, you’re really happy…….
OOJIT: ………… and feel like having a sing song.
OOJIT: ………… and you want me to play a tune so that you can sing along.
HEROD: Yes, yes, yes, so …
OOJIT: Tune, hey, let me see. (sits down to think)
HEROD: See; see about what. I need to hear it, not see it.
OOJIT: I know that.
HEROD: So then, sit down at that music thingy over there and play me a song, so that I can sing.
OOJIT: Music thingy, (puzzled) Oh, you mean the piano.
HEROD: Yes piano, now go and play.
OOJIT: Ok, keep your wig on. So what do you want me to play.
HEROD: I’ve just told you, the piano, duh.
OOJIT: I mean,t which song to do want me to play.
HEROD: A happy song as I’m happy.
OOJIT: A happy song, because you’re happy. Erm.
OOJIT: Ok, got it, what about I am H A P P Y.
HEROD: (trying to figure out what it says) H A P P Y. What’s so happy about that.
OOJIT: It’s spells Hap….., doesn’t matter. Erm, let me think…………If you’re happy and you know it.
HEROD: Yes, yes I am.
OOJIT: No sir, I mean if you’re happy and you know it.
HEROD: I am and I do.
OOJIT: No, no sir, you don’t understand, I mean what about the song If you’re happy and you know it.
HEROD: Oh the song, ok then.
OOJIT: Are you ready.
HEROD: Yes, yes just play.
(Oojit is just about to play when they are interrupted by a knock at the door. Herod looks over at Oojit angrily and then storms off the stage. )
OOJIT: Phew, saved by the knock, I have no idea how to play this thing.
WISEMAN 3: Are you sure he said to wait here?
WISEMAN 2: Pretty much yes, but we’ve been in here a while now maybe we should go.
WISEMAN 1: SSSHHHHH, I think someone’s coming.
(Herod storms onto the stage quickly, followed by Oojit who can’t keep up.)
HEROD: This had better be important, I was just about to make my singing debut. How dare I be interrupted?
OOJIT: Man you walk fast, for a fa……(Oojit stops when he sees the 3 men) ……….hello nice to meet you.
HEROD: Who are you and what are you doing here? I was just about to sing.
WISEMAN 1: Sorry to interrupt. We are 3 kings who have travelled from afar.
HEROD: 3 Kings? But I’m the king, how can you be kings? (To OOJIT) I am the King, aren’t I?
OOJIT: Yes. Well I hope so, otherwise I’ve been wasting my time for the last few years.
HEROD: Well if I’m a King and you’re a king, what news is it that you bring, as I haven’t got all day you see cause I’ve got a happy song to sing. Hey, look at that, I’m a poet and I didn’t know it. Oojit write that down.
(Oojit runs about the stage looking for a piece of paper.)
WISEMAN 2: We’ve actually come to find out where the baby is to be born who will be king of the Jews so we can worship him.
HEROD: I’m here so why aren’t you bowing, and where are my gifts?
OOJIT: Erm, I think they mean a new King as you’re not really a bab,y although you do occasionally act lik…………………………
HEROD: A NEW KING. WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, CAUSE NO-ONE TOLD ME I WAS SACKED? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN AND WHY WASN’T I TOLD? OOJIT, GET ME THE CHIEFY AND LAW DUDES NOW.
(Oojit shouts for the chief priests and teachers of the law, who enter and bow to Herod.)
HEROD: What do you know about this baby and why haven’t I been informed? Are you all plotting against me?
CHIEF PRIESTS AND TEACHERS: According to what the prophet wrote, he will be born in Bethlehem, sir, be a leader and guide Israel.
HEROD: Is that what they write? We’ll we’ll see about that. Oojit we need a plan.
(Oojit and Herod stand there scratching their heads.)
OOJIT: (pulling Herod over to him and lowering his voice) I’ve got a cunning plan. We’ll go with these men to Bethlehem and tell this baby that we don’t need him as we’ve already got a king that we love to worship.
HEROD: Aww, Oojit I never knew you cared.
OOJIT: I don’t, but……(Herod looks over at him angrily) Only joking, of course I care about you. I mean, who wouldn’t.
HEROD: Ooo, but I’m tired and don’t feel like travelling over to Bethlehem, it’s too far.
OOJIT: What about we just send them (points to the 3 kings)? They can bring this so-called baby back here and then we can decide what to do with him.
WISEMAN 3: Listen, we’re sorry we bothered you; we can see you’re busy so we’ll just be on our way.
HEROD: Oh ok, then, bye, have a good trip.
OOJIT: Sir, wasn’t there something you wanted to ask these nice men, before they left?
HEROD: No, Oojit, I don’t think so.
OOJIT: Are you sure, sir?
HEROD: Of course I am, now stop being silly and let these nice men continue their journey.
OOJIT: King, baby not needed, coming back here, remember sir.
HEROD: Oh yes. Why didn’t you say? You men go and find this baby and when you do bring him back here so that I can decide what I’m going t………….
OOJIT: …give to him as a gift. (Oojit starts to push the wise men towards the door.)
HEROD: Gift, why would I want to get him a gift?
OOJIT: Because he is king and you give gifts to a king.
HEROD: Aww, see, I knew it you are all plotting against me. (Herod runs off stage,)
OOJIT: (still pushing the wisemen towards the door.) Bye, good luck and don’t forget to bring that baby back here to us, so that we can all worship him, too. (turns towards the audience) Now I’m for it, I’ve got to try and explain that to King Ditzy in there.
WISEMAN 1: That was weird. Glad we got out of there alive.
WISEMAN 2: Me too, but it doesn’t help us in our search for the new baby king.
WISEMAN 3: What do we do now?
WISEMAN 1: I don’t know, if only we had a sign.
(someone walks by with a sign saying “new born king this way”.)
WISEMAN 2: I suppose that will do, come on.
(They follow the sign until it stops at Mary & Joseph’s house and then goes off stage.)
WISEMAN 3: This must be the place. I suppose we should knock. (goes to knock door but stops when one of the others speaks.)
WISEMAN 1: Wait, what if these are nutters as well.
WISEMAN 2: True, maybe we should just leave our gifts outside.
WISEMAN 3: Don’t be silly, any old tramp could take them, plus I really gotta go.
WISEMAN 1: Go where.
WISEMAN 3: You know, I really gotta go, go.
WISEMAN 2: He means he needs to go pee.
WISEMAN 1: Why didn’t he say then. Ok, here goes nothing. (knocks door)
JOSEPH: Hello, can I help you?
WISEMAN 1: Erm, we were looking for the new king, we have come to worship him.
JOSEPH: Oh please come in. This is Mary my wife and Jesus our son.
ALL WISEMEN: Hello, please except our gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. (they all bow down and present their gifts.)
WISEMAN 3: (getting up) Now if you don’t mind, could you please tell me where the bathroom is as I really gotta go?
MARY: (pointing) Oh yes, it’s just down there on the left.
WISEMAN 3: Thanks (runs to bathroom)
MARY: Would you like to stay for tea and cake?
WISEMAN 2: No thanks, we really need to be heading back.
(Wiseman 3 returns from bathroom)
WISEMAN 1: But thank you for the offer.
JOSEPH: Thank you for coming all this way to visit us and for the lovely gifts, Please let me show you out.
(Joseph and Mary both walk the wise men to the door)
MARY: Yes, thank you for the gifts. Bye, have a safe journey home.
ALL WISEMEN: Bye.
MARY & JOSEPH: Bye. (They wave then close the door)
WISEMAN 3: They were nicer than old king ditzy back there. So what now?
WISEMAN 2: Home I suppose, but the opposite way so that we don’t bump into old King Ditzy on the way.
WISEMAN 1: Yeah, I don’t fancy bumping into him again ever. Come on, this way.
(They walk off stage.)
(King Herod is in his room writing)
KING HEROD: (seriously) I’m sending an order out to have all the boys in Bethlehem 2 years old and younger killed.
OOJIT: No seriously, whatchyadoin?
KING HEROD: (angrily) That is seriously what I am doing and you are going to deliver it.
OOJIT: Wouldn’t you rather have a little singsong instead? Come on, you know you want to, what were those words again?
KING HEROD: (softening slightly) Well, I would like to sing………….(angrily) NO, now stop trying to distract me and take this to Bethlehem. No new king is taking my job, especially a baby. Now go and leave me in peace.
OOJIT: But sir…
KING HEROD: No buts, just go NOW.
(Oojit takes the order and leaves.)
KING HEROD: Ha. No new king is taking my place, especially a baby. After all, (singing slightly) I am king, the only king, and I shall rule over everything. Oooo would you look at that, I finally got to have my little singsong. Mwahhahhhahaha.
(King Herod exits stage and Oojit comes on with a bag and a sign with “Jerusalem” on it.)
OOJIT: You know, I’ve never been very good at spelling, but I’m sure this is how you spell Bethlehem. (to audience) Is this how you spell Bethlehem? No? Oh well, my bad Old King Ditzy back there will just have to get some other dude to carry out his evil plot as I want nothing to do with it. (to audience again) Any of you looking for a servant dude to boss about? I’ll do anything, well almost anything. Anyone? No, well ok, but you had your chance.’Spose I’m off to wherever this says. See ya.
(Oojit leaves the stage and all cast members come on and take a bow.)
© Copyright Jeanette Walter, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.