Style: Light-hearted. Duration: 6min
Actors: 1F, 3M
Dorothy (DT) – just wants to get home to KS and her family…or actually, wants to get to the mall there to shop for some new shoes. Becomes nostalgic and corny on her lines about home.
Scarecrow (SC) – just wants a brain…or actually, wants all the new technology gadgets. Definitely a brainless character.
Tin Woodsman (TW) – just wants a heart…or actually, wants to become an oil and steel baron. Cynical and heartless in the way he speaks.
Lion (LN) – just wants courage…or actually, extreme sports machines – speed boat, 4-wheeler, a Harley. Even though he’s big, he’s timid and cowardly.
(Scene: all 4 companions are walking, skipping along on the “yellow brick road.”)
LN – Hold it! Hold it! That woods up ahead looks kind of spooky! Isn’t there some other way to get to the Wizard?
TW – C’mon, you big scaredy-cat! You’re always whimping out on us! If we didn’t have to keep slowing down for your anxiety attacks, we’d be there by now.
DT – Now, TW, don’t start on him again. You know how much I hate it when we’re all arguing. (sobbing, dramatic, violin music in background) You know how much I miss my Auntie Emm! (to stuffed dog in basket) You miss her too, don’t you, Toto? I just wish I could get home! There’s no place like home! There’s no place like… (remember, if Dorothy had said this and tapped her heels before, she would have been instantly transported back to Kansas)
SC – (interrupting) Yeah, there’s no place like home. Where’s that again?
TW – Great job, Weeds-for-brains, she’s talking about Kansas…again. And, Dorothy, please, why on earth would anyone cry about not being in Kansas? Why can’t you get a grip?
DT – Well, TW, Kansas is where my home is. (violin music again) Kansas is where my family is. Kansas is where my Auntie Emm is! There’s no place like home. There’s no…
LN – (interrupting) I heard Kansas is a scary place. I don’t care how much of my family was there. That’s sure not why I want to see the Wizard.
SC – Me either. No sirree, Bob. Nope. I don’t want to get to Kansas. I want to see the Wizard so that, so I can, so, uh… What was it I wanted again?
(other 3) – A brain!
SC – Oh, yeah, a brain! (all respond with nods). Well, actually guys, I’ve been thinking… (all do a double take and look at him surprised)
TW – You’ve been what?
SC – Yeah, seriously. You know, having a brain would be nice and all. I mean, it might come in handy when I’m trying to put my shoes on the right feet or watching Jeopardy, but I’m not sure that’s all I really want.
DT – You mean, there’s more?
SC – Yeah. Isn’t this guy we’re going to see the “Great Wizard of Oz?” I mean, if he can handle giving me a brain, and you (to TW) a heart, and you (to LN) courage, and get you (to DT) back home, couldn’t he handle getting me a nice laptop computer…and an Ipod, and a cooler cell phone, and a big screen TV?
TW – Uh, Birdman, we’re going to Emerald City, not Circuit City, remember?
SC – Remember? Of course I remember! Well, I would remember if I, if, if I, uh…
Other 3 – Only had a brain!
SC – Yeah, but who wants just a brain? I want a nice laptop computer, an ipod, a cooler cell phone…
DT – You already mentioned all that.
LN – Listen, everyone, as long as Scarecrow is being honest, I may as well be too.
TW – What, you want a bunch of electronic stuff too?
LN – No. I’ve just been thinking. Sure, I hate being scared by my own shadow all the time, and courage would be nice to have. But what’s the point of having courage if I don’t get to use it? I mean, this guy is the great Wizard, right? If he can give me courage, couldn’t he handle a nice Harley too? And while he’s at it, a nice speed boat, a 4-wheeler, a hang glider…
DT – Lion, what would you do with all that stuff?
LN – Well, for one thing, I’d have a lot of fun, and I’d project a certain image – you know, one where people don’t think you’re scared of everything. Not to mention, chicks dig a guy on a Harley.
TW – Sure, chicks dig a nervous hairball riding a motorcycle!
LN – Well they sure would dig it more than a heartless, insulting reject from the recycling center! I can hear it now, “Look, there’s a metal guy who chops down trees! Ooooh!”
TW – (making an aggressive move toward the lion, as the lion recoils away) Why don’t you step over here and I’ll…
DT – Boys! Stop it! If you both keep this up, I’ll never get home to Kansas. (violin music) I won’t get home to Auntie Emm, and the farm, and my old bedroom, and my friends – my home! There’s no place like home! There’s no place…
SC – Dorothy?
DT – (her daze interrupted) Huh?
SC – Since we’re all kind of leveling here, don’t you think it’s time you were honest too?
DT – What do you mean Scarecrow?
TW – I know what he means. He means, no one could possibly care so much about a farm in Kansas that they’d go through all you are to get back to it. Why are you really going to see the Wizard?
DT – (sort of sheepishly and admitting-ly) Well, now, I really do want to get home to Kansas…and to Auntie Emm…and my home. (pause) And the mall!
Other 3 – Huh?
DT – The mall! Do you realize how long it’s been since I was shopping? Do you realize how long I’ve been wearing these stupid shoes? They’re 2nd hand, they clash with everything, and my feet are killing me! “Put on these shoes! They’ll lead you home! Blah Blah Blah!” That’s what the good witch told me. Remember?
LN & TW - Yes.
SC (at the same time; confused) – No.
DT – Well, all these shoes have done for me so far is given me blisters. This dress has probably been out of style for a week now, and I’ve had the same hair color forever! I want to shop! I want to buy some new shoes and a new basket to carry my dog in! I want to keep up with my friends. I want the mall!
TW – Pathetic. (all turn and look at TW)
LN – Hey, wait a minute. I suppose that all along you’ve just wanted a heart and that was it?
TW – OK, Captain Cowardly, I’ll tell you what I want. Who needs a heart? I want a portfolio. I want to be an oil and steel baron! I want to make some cash because money is power, and rich people can do anything they want to. Do you realize how much the price of firewood around here has already dropped this year?
DT – It’s always high in Kansas.
TW – I don’t care. I want to live in the big city! I want to be surrounded by a big office with a big desk and with lots of little people who have to do what I tell them. I want to be rich!
LN – Why am I not surprised? I’m afraid we’re all pretty much after the same thing.
SC – Yep. We are. What are we after?
Other 3 – More Stuff!
(In a sing-song fashion, one right after the other, in the order they’re standing)
LN – a Harley
DT – the mall
SC – a laptop
TW – big bucks
DT – Well, what are we waiting here for? Let’s get going!
TW – OK!
LN – Yeah, let’s get going!
SC – Yeah, let’s go. Where are we going again?
(all 4 join arms and exit as they entered, SC facing the wrong direction)
© Copyright Sherm Nichols and Cindy Dagnan, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the nternet, without written permission of the author.