Bethlehem was a something and nothing sort of town; it’s only dubious distinction being that it had been winner of the ‘Ugliest Town in Judea’ competition for the last three years in succession – not much of a birthplace for a King. But now it was heaving with the vast influx of people for the census. All of the inns were full so Mary and Joseph found themselves lodging in a dirty and draughty stable – not much of a birthplace for a King. That very night Mary went into labour and gave birth to the Son of God. She wrapped the baby in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger – not much of a crib for a King.
And there were in the same country Accountants in their counting house cooking the books by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they wondered how much it cost to hire an angel and whether it was claimable against income tax at the higher rate.
But the Angel had a message for the accountants; ‘Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy!’ he pronounced, ‘Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the accountants debated among themselves about what they had seen and heard. They agreed that a saviour wouldn’t come cheap – he would have to be a king, or a prince at the very least. There would be huge establishment costs, they agreed; the Civil List, a palace (because you couldn’t put a saviour in any old shack), a wardrobe, royal yacht, state visits, banquets, coaches, carriages and horses before you even started on the day to day running costs.
‘It’ll put at least two shekels on the basic rate of Caesar’s new income tax,’ commented one, flicking beads on his abacus with lightning fingers, ‘The Chancellor would go ballistic!’
So the accountants all agreed that it was a very nice idea and just what the world needed but hopelessly impractical – not at all viable in economic terms.
The Angel watched from heaven and shook his head sadly. No good, no good at all. He would just have to try somewhere else.
And there were in the same country Lawyers in their offices running up huge fee accounts by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they wondered whether it was all entirely legal and whether, if it were not, they could earn some fat fees out of it.
But the Angel had a message for the lawyers, ‘Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy!’ he proclaimed, ‘Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the lawyers compared notes and exchanged legal opinions. Whichever way they looked at it they had to agree that the case presented some fascinating legal issues.
It is, of course, exceedingly rare for lawyers to agree about anything and, even if they do they pretend that they don’t so that they can earn large fees for arguing about it. On one point, however, the lawyers were unanimous; one couldn’t just turn up and designate oneself a saviour – there was absolutely no precedent for it. One would need proper authority – a Royal Charter, an Act of Parliament, Deeds, affidavits and documents in escrow. Otherwise there was no way that the whole thing would stand up in Court.
Then you had to think of Caesar’s position. And Herod’s! It would be prejudicial in the extreme, untenable even!
So the lawyers all agreed that it was a very nice idea and just what the world needed but hopelessly impractical – not to say utterly illegal.
The Angel watched from heaven and shook his head sadly. No good, no good at all. He would just have to try somewhere else.
And there were in the same country Advertising Executives in their studios planning slick campaigns by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they wondered whether it was being handled by the best people and whether the whole production might not be given a little more impact.
But the Angel had a message for the advertising executives, ‘Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy!’ he announced, ‘Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the advertising executives were very excited about the whole campaign and began to brainstorm ideas. This could be huge if the right people handled the campaign and they knew that they were the right people. After all, shining white guys accompanied by winged choirs were all very well but it was all a bit hackneyed, just not quite AD.
They would go for prime time slots on all the big television shows, a really slick website to maximise the impact through the internet boom. They would have the new saviour’s face in every office and every living room within days! Then one of them pointed out that there was just one small problem.
‘What’s that?’ demanded his companions.
‘Television won’t be invented for hundreds of years yet - probably thousands – and the internet will be even longer. You’ll have to wait for the advent of the personal computer and some bloke called Billius Gatus.’
So the advertising executives agreed that it was a nice idea and just what the world needed but before it’s time – way before it’s time. They would call the shiny bloke back to tell him to put the whole thing off for another couple of thousand years. By then the technology would have equipped the world so much better for the sort of campaign this thing needed.
But the Angel didn’t need to be called back; he was watching from the wings (or, at least, watching with his wings) and shook his head sadly. No good, no good at all. It would have to be those crude, dirty shepherds after all.
And there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord came upon them and they were terrified.
Bu the angel was quick to reassure the shepherds, for he had a message for them. ‘Do not be afraid.’ he said, ‘I bring you good tidings of great joy! Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, ‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds turned to one another in a state of great excitement because of what they had heard.
‘Let's go to Bethlehem,’ said one, ‘to see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.’
So they went. Leaving their sheep to whatever fate might befall them, they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were unable to believe their ears.
The shepherds returned to their neglected sheep, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.
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© Trevor Fletcher, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are
not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange
for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and
for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: tpfletcher@blueyonder.co.uk