Jen: What’s the matter, Chris?
Chris: Well, I’m working on the new Stew and Ward sketch for Stewardship Sunday and it’s just...well..Jen, it’s terrible.
Jen: Read me some.
Chris: Okay, I thought I’d go with kind of a rhyming thing. Stew says “ I don’t know why I have to spend my time and all my money. At a church where pancake breakfasts all have syrup that’s too runny”...and then Ward says. "You better straighten up and pay the Lord what he’s got coming. You owe him after all because without Him you’d be bumming. It’s only fair and there’s no telling what you’ll then achieve. But disgrace Him and you'll fall from grace like Adam and…” … after that I draw a blank.
Jen: …Eve?
Chris Eve! (snaps) Perfect! (scribbles it down, looks at it) This is still pretty terrible.
Jen: Well, I won’t argue with you.
Chris: I don’t know, maybe it’s these characters. Maybe they need to be spiced up. Maybe if they were thrown into a different setting - like a historical setting…
Jen: How about a Biblical setting? Yeah, they could be on the ark, talking to Shem, Ham and Japheth.
Chris: Who are they?
Jen: Noah’s sons?
Chris: Oh! Yeah, I knew that!
Jen: Right. Or hey, you could put them right there on the road to Damascus.
Chris: What happened there?
Jen: um… that’s where Saul had his vision and became Paul the Apostle.
Chris: Well, sure, I was just testing you on that one.
Jen: Uh-huh. Ooh! How about putting them in with Daniel in the lion’s den! That would be a great story. Why don’t you look that one up?
Chris: Good idea. Which, um (He gets a Bible) which book is it in?
Jen: (Shakes her head) Try Daniel.
Chris: Oh.
Jen: Chris, you really need some brushing up. You know, the adult Bible study…
Chris: Woah, slow down, stop right there. I’m a grown man. I’m not going back to Sunday school. I've done my time.
Jen: I’m in that class. I think it’s great. Studying as an adult, it gives the bible a whole new perspective. I’m getting things out of it I never could when I was a kid in Sunday school.
Chris: Like what?
Jen: Well… the fact that God offered his only son to die for us. I always assumed that was a big deal, but I really never thought about it. Now that I’m a mother, I can only begin to imagine what a painful sacrifice that must have been.
Chris: Oh, I get it. Yeah, I bet the story of Jonah would take on a whole new meaning for me, because of all my fishing experience.
Jen: Something like that. Anyway, besides using your experience to see the bible in a new way, in other classes the bible helps you see your experiences in a new way. Getting a Christian perspective on marriage, employment, social problems…
Chris: Baking techniques…
Jen: Well… maybe. Anyway, I’m glad you’re getting the idea.
Chris: Maybe they should have a poetry class. That would really help my writing.
Jen: It couldn’t hurt.
.....................................
Jen: I thought you were supposed to be at the church rehearsing
the Stew and Ward sketch.
Chris: I thought I’d stay home and catch upon some TV. They’ve got their scripts. They can work on it on their own. They don't need a director, they’ll do just fine. They certainly don’t need me.
Jen: What’s the matter?
Chris: Nothing’s the matter, it’s just obvious I’m not needed on this project, I’ve already done my little job. I wrote the scripts, I wouldn’t presume to get in their way and direct them.
Jen: Chris, tell me what’s bothering you.
Chris: Why should anything be bothering me? I’m not even here. I’m invisible. Who are you talking to, Jen? Why are you talking to yourself. You’re the only one here. Just look around you. You don’t see any Chris Johnson, do you? And don’t bother looking in the bulletin insert this morning, because there isn’t any Chris Johnson in there either.
Jen: Oh, so that’s the problem.
Chris: “Three Sundays from today, Stew and Ward, performed by Pat Anderson and Aaron Jacobs, presented by… the Stewardship committee.” There’s only three people on the Stewardship committee. Pat Anderson, Aaron Jacobs and ME. Their names appear in big bold print. And where was my name? Aside from my driver’s license… nowhere! Well, that’s just fine. They don’t need me, they don’t have to have me.
Jen: Chris, you’re being childish.
Chris: No I’m not.
Jen: Yes you are.
Chris: No I’m not.
Jen: Yes you are.
Chris: No I’m not.
Jen: Yes you are.
Chris: No I’m not, no I’m not, no I’m NOT! Only a fool breaks his back to do work that is appreciated by no one. I’ve got more important things to do with my time.
Jen: Like watching Little House on the prairie reruns?
Chris: It’s a marathon. They’re showing them all in sequence.
Jen: You know, if you’re not there to direct them, they’ll do Stew and Ward with those bad British accents.
Chris: Let 'em. It’s their problem, not mine.
Jen: Chris, if God actually came right up to you and asked you to do something, and he said, "You’re not going to get any credit for this, but I will appreciate it," would you do it?
Chris: Of course I would.
Jen: Well, that’s what he was asking when he gave you the talent to direct, and the opportunity to direct and write for the church. You’re good at it. I’m a good artist, so I help with decorating. Susan’s good with people so she does hospitality; Chuck's good with numbers, so he always volunteers for counting the offering. We’re all called to help each other. If we obsess about getting credit, if we’re just looking out for ourselves, then each of us only has one person looking out for himself. But if we work together and share our abilities, if we all look out for each other, then each of us has everybody looking out for us.
Chris: I’m being childish.
Jen: Well, you were just disappointed…
Chris: NO, I’m being childish.
Jen: I won’t argue with you.
Chris: If I get over there now, I can probably catch them and get some rehearsal in. Maybe I’ll let them try those British accents.
Jen: You’re the director.
.........................................
Chris: How come you always get the fun mail? Ed MacMahon never sends me anything. (Opens a letter). Oh, cool! A promotional special for the new LazerQuest game. Only forty bucks!
Jen: You’re going to spend forty dollars on another computer game? You don’t even play the ones you have. You’re always playing next door on Chuck’s computer.
Chris: He has a better monitor. I don’t know, it’s really not in the budget, I guess (opens another letter) Hey, a letter from that mail order thing. I thought I paid that in full. Oh! It‘s a check. I overpaid!
Jen: What mail order thing?
Chris The Backscratcher of the Month Club. Look! It’s forty dollars. Exactly what I need for the LazerQuest game in unexpected income. (Opens another letter). Is that fate or what? From church. Oh yeah. The annual drive for the meals program. Forty dollar donation to get the sweatshirt this year. Wow, that’s more than they were asking last year. I don’t know if I can afford a big donation like that.
Jen: What do you mean? You just got that exact amount.
Chris Yeah, but that goes to the LazerQuest game. Fate, remember?
Jen: How come it’s not fate for the meals drive?
Chris: Because I got the LazerQuest first.
Jen: You got them together. You just opened that one first because it was a more colorful envelope.
Chris: (Shrugs his shoulders) Fate.
Jen: (She hears a phone ring). I’ll answer the phone. When I come back, I’ll expect you to have turned back into an adult. (She leaves)
Chris: (Calling after her) I refuse to feel guilty! Donations are voluntary. I give regularly. I volunteer my time. I work hard during the week. I deserve state-of-the-art recreation. God understands. If I donated the money out of guilt, it wouldn’t be a true donation. But by getting the computer game, I’ll improve the quality of my leisure time, so I’ll actually require less leisure time, and I’ll become a happier, healthier person, which will enable me to make better, more meaningful contributions to society and my fellowship community. I’ve made my decision.
Jen: (Entering again) Guess who just called.
Chris: (With great conviction) Before you say anything, I’m just letting you know, I’ve made my decision. I’m donating that money to the meals drive and I’ll tell you why. It’s not out of guilt, and I know that’s what you’re thinking…
Jen: I wouldn’t think a thing like that.
Chris It’s not out of guilt, and it’s not out of duty, and it’s not even out of a belief in some weird spiritual money equation where I think God is going to give me a twenty percent increase return on my investment, although it’s been known to happen. I’m donating the money because I want to. I think it’s an important program, and I want to do what I can to help make sure it keeps going.
Jen: So what about the computer game.
Chris: Well… you’re right. I’ve got enough computer games. Besides, they’re a waste of time. I think I’m giving them up for a while. They’re a little childish.
Jen: That’s too bad. Because Chuck just called from next door. He was inviting you over to play his new LazerQuest game.
Chris: Cool! (He runs away)
Jen: (Looks up) You sure work in mysterious ways. (Exit)
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