What if?
By Brian Alleyne

Summary
Kenneth is getting frustrated with living a Christian life, and feels he is missing out on life. When he one day wakes up living the alternative life, he realises it is not the fun it seemed to be from the outside. (The play is written with a Caribbean accent.)

Characters
Kenneth: Christian conservatively dressed, Polite but still a bit sarcastic  (named in honour of my grandfather who died shortly before the play was finished)
Kevin: Snazzy dresser, vain
Solomon: Player, not a well dressed as Kevin
Alana: Docile seeming but secretly loosly moraled girl. Basically the girl  that we all want, (even though we shouldn’t) but never get.
Narda:  (Alana’s best friend) Firecracker, pretty but not as pretty as Alana.
Kenneth’s Mother and Father:  typical caring parents
Narrator- never seen
Bulldog- Big strong jealous type boyfriend. Exactly like Moose from the Archie comics  and his friends (2 minimum)
Police officers (2) plainclothes - Must be a bit more mature than Kenneth and co.
Persons attending party  – Young people (5 minimum)
Mall Attendant (female)

Scene 1- (Library)

Narration- Have you ever wished for something but never thought you’d get it? It happens occasionally, and when it does, it’s usually in a peculiar fashion. Take this guy over here; his name is Kenneth. (Kenneth walks on) He’s a University student. But not your average campus boy. He’s also a Christian and a quite strong one at that. He studies Scripture regularly, he’s active in church, and he always keeps away from all the stuff he knows he should avoid. In short, he has a pretty good ministry. (All the while Kenneth is onstage intently reading a Bible) But, as we all know things aren’t always what they appear and while no one else can tell, Kenneth is starting to feel a bit…. Discontented (Kenneth gets a bored expression). Yup, to him his life as a Christian is getting a big dull compared to all his unsaved friends. Now, given time this feeling would gradually work its way out of Kenneth’s mind, but this instance, a couple of things happen which make it stick around a bit longer. It all started one Friday at lunch time. 

(Solomon and Kevin walk on bottom of stage)

Solomon: (looks up at Kenneth) O look, it’s Super- Christian with his nose in the Bible again. Who’s he trying to fool?  

Kevin: Hey man, leave the guy alone. He’s not troubling any one.

Solomon: Oh yes he is. He turns my stomach. He and all of them other “cushions’ are just playing an act, you know. Deep down, behind all the morality, they’re all just as bad as any of us. And I’ll prove it now! Watch this! (starts heading towards Kenneth)

Kevin: What are you doing?

Solomon: Just follow my lead! (goes to Kenneth) Hey Kenneth what’s up? Reading the Bible again, I see.

Kenneth: Oh yeah. Hi guys!  I just studying in Danie…

Solomon: (cuts him off) Oh that’s good. So me and Kevin here were talking about the party that they’re having tomorrow night. Right, Kevin?

Kevin: Um…(catches on) Oh yeah, yeah. It’ll be cool. So, you coming?

Kenneth: Uh no guys. I’m not interested.

Kevin: Why not?
 
Kenneth: The fact that the word “party” is in the sentence should tell you it’s not for me.

Kevin: So what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Doesn’t it say somewhere in there (points to Bible) that that guy King David  used to party or something?

Kenneth: (sarcastically) Really? Where

Kevin: Umm, I’m not sure, somewhere in the back, I think.

Solomon: Anyway Kenneth, you can still come. You don’t have to do anything really. You can just relax and enjoy the music. Besides, I heard Alana is going to be there.

Kenneth: Really?! (regains composure) I mean, oh really, well that’s nice.

Kevin: (laughs) Don’t play all innocent. We see how you’re always checking her out. Everybody knows you got the hots for her.

Solomon: Yeah, So if you go to the party you can get to talk to her and maybe get somewhere with her, man.

Kenneth (thinks) Thanks, but no thanks guys. Like I told you, it’s not for me.

Solomon: (annoyed) Oh really. Well if that sorta stuff ain’t for you, what do you and your church friends do for fun, huh?

Kenneth: We go and hang out at each others homes, we go on picnics and other activities, we go on trips together. A lot of stuff. (both stare at him)

Kevin: That’s it? That’s all you do? What kind of fun is that.

Kenneth: You don’t need music, dancing and drinks to enjoy yourself, you know.

(Solomon and Kevin stare at each other for a while and burst out laughing)

Solomon: (still laughing)  No drinking or dancing?!? Wow man. I couldn’t bear to live like that. 

Kenneth: (defensive) You two are acting like it’s some sorta jail sentence? It’s not that bad. Not bad at all.

Solomon: Look Kenneth. Sorry to break it to you, but that no way to live.

Kevin: Yeah, how old are you anyway, 67 ?

Kenneth: (annoyed) And just what do you mean by that?

Solomon: We mean that for a guy your age, you’re missing out on a lot. Honestly, what do you and your little Christian friends get from your church services?

Kenneth: (angry) Guys enough, I’m perfectly happy how I am. Ok!
 
Solomon: (sympathetic) Look, Kenneth, we’re just trying to help you. Because the way you’re going, one day you’re going to wake up and realise that you’ve missed out on a lot in life

Kenneth: Like what?

Solomon: The most fun…

Kevin: The best parties. 

Solomon: And the hottest girls- like Alana. Do you think that a girl so attractive would really want a guy like you if you keep living like that.  She’ll think you’re boring. You’ll probably end up having to settle for some dreary, plain looking, church girl who works at the library.

Kenneth: Umm well….

Solomon: Sorry for being harsh, but that’s the truth. Just think about it ok. And if you come to your senses, check us at the party tomorrow. See ya!!

Kevin: Yeah, see ya (both walk off, Kenneth, thinks for a while then packs up and leaves)

Kenneth (meekly)- Bye.

Scene 2- 
Hallway (students can be seen walking up and down)

Narration: That encounter left Kenneth grumpy for the rest of the day and no matter how he tried he just couldn’t shake the thought. “What if they were right” This notion got even stronger when he was leaving campus after classes had ended.

(Kenneth walks on visibly angry, holding some books)

Kenneth: (grumbling) How old are you? 67? (basically imitating Kevin) Who does he think he is. (books drop, he rolls his eyes, bends to pick them up still grumbling, as he does Alana walks in)

Alana:  Kenneth, you alright ?

Kenneth (jumps up, changes expression to happy nervousness) Oh hi, Alana. Um I’m ok, just a little tired. Oh by the way has anyone told you how nice you look today?

Alana:  Actually you’re the 4th, but thanks any way. 

Kenneth: So what are you off to do now?

Alana:  Oh, I’m waiting for Narda. We’re going to go to town and do some shopping for the party tomorrow. She’s supposed to meet me here, but I don’t know what’s taking her so long (looks away to try and find her, as she does Kenneth fixes himself quickly) So what are your plans for the weekend?

Kenneth: Um I got nothing planned. And you?

Alana:  Like I said, I’m going to the party tomorrow. Since you’re not doing anything, you should come.

Kenneth: (slightly embarrassed) Now you know I don’t go to things like that, Alana.

Alana:  Oh yeah, I forgot, Christian, sorry.

Kenneth: It’s ok, but I was to ask you. Next Thursday, my church youth group is having a fun day; would you like to come?

Alana: (hesitant) Um no, I got something to do that day. Maybe another time.

Kenneth: Ok how about next week

Alana:  Umm. I don’t think so. But I tell you what, I’ll come and visit someday when you least expect it.

Kenneth: (excited) Ok great! You’ll love it! We do all sorts of stuff and… Oh no I forgot my notepad in class. It’ll be right back (runs off) 

(Narda walks on)
 
Alana:  (annoyed) You’re late

Narda: Sorry about that girl. I had to go make sure I look good before I leave. You know I gotta come out looking my best.

Alana:  Of course, girl!

Narda:  But why did I see you talking to Christian boy, just now? Are you two in something now? (unknown to them Kenneth has returned and is listening in the background )

Alana:  (angry) In something, like what?! It’s more like he thinks he actually has a chance with me. (laughs) Just now he was there trying to invite me to something at his church. So I had to tell him I was going to come someday.

Narda: (shocked) So are you actually going?

Alana:  No way!!! I just said so to get him off of my back. When was the last time you saw me at a church? My grandmother’s funeral. And even then I got there late. (both laugh) 

Narda:  I can’t believe that he actually thinks that you would like him.

Alana:  Yeah. Those Christian boys are way too boring. No parties, no drinking. Sheesh. That would be like dating the Pope.

Narda:  You know it girl. I remember I got hooked up with one of them for a short while. 

Alana:  So how was it.

Narda:  BOOOORING. Can’t do this, can’t do that, can’t go here, can’t go there. Always wanna take me to church. That was the worse relationship I ever had.

Alana:  So what did you do?

Narda:  What you expect? I dropped him like a hot rock and hooked up with his brother. Now THAT was a relationship!! (both laugh)

Alana: I would have done the same thing, girl. (looks around but doesn’t see Kenneth) Look, let’s get outta here before he comes back and starts taking about salvation or something (both leave, shortly afterward Kenneth comes on and walks off sadly)

Scene 3 
(Kenneth’s home)

Narration: After that disenchanting day at school, Kenneth went home as quickly as possible, thinking that maybe a relaxing evening with his family, would cheer him up. Unfortunately, that was not to be the case, cause you know what they say, home is where the hurt is.

(Kenneth is sitting in front of the TV looking disinterested, eventually he turns it off. Soon his parents walk in dressed up)

Kenneth: Hi, mom and dad. Where are you guys going all dressed up?

Mother:  Kenny, remember, I told you our dance group is having a show tonight.

Kenneth: Oh yeah sorry, mom. I forgot. I’ve got a lot on my mind I guess.

Mother:  (concerned) Studying getting to you huh?

Kenneth: I guess.

Mother:  Well don’t go overboard, ok dear. The last thing I want is to have a loony for a son. 

Kenneth: Ok mom, I won’t.

Father:  Dear, you go start the car. I have to talk to Kenneth about something. (mother walks out)

Father:  What’s up son. What you doing for the rest of the night?

Kenneth: Nothing really, dad. In fact, my whole weekend’s open.

Father:  Why? Aren’t you and your church friend’s doing anything?

Kenneth: Nah. We all agreed we’d put any activities on hold till the exams are over.

Father:  Ok. But it seems something’s bothering you, Kenneth. Is anything wrong?

Kenneth: Umm, no dad. It’s nothing.

Father:  Ken. This is your father you’re talking to. I can tell when something’s up with you. So let’s hear it.

Kenneth: (sighs) Well Dad. Have you ever wondered how your life might have been, if you hadn’t made a particular choice?

Father:  (thinks) How do you mean?

Kenneth: I mean, did you ever stop to think if you would have been happier if you hadn’t made a life changing decision.

Father: (thinks) Let me guess son. You’re wondering if you should have become a Christian because you think it’s become too boring.

Kenneth: (shocked) Umm .. yeah. That’s it. It’s not that I don’t like my life as a Christian, but it seems like all of the other guys have a better time. They’re always out partying, they wear the best clothes and get all the best girls.

Father:  Best girls huh?

Kenneth: Yeah I mean, they got this girl at campus. She’s so beautiful and nice, like an angel. But she thinks I’m boring because I’m a Christian, and I know if I wasn’t saved we’d be perfect together. It’s not fair (gets up angrily).  But how did you know?

Father:  (laughs) Because I was expecting it

Kenneth: Expecting what?

Father:  I knew that you’d get bored of that Christian life someday. (sits next to him)You see son. It’s not that I have a problem with you being religious. It’s just that I think that you became one too early.

Kenneth: How do you mean?

Father:  You see, a man should always sow his wild oats when they’re young. 

Kenneth: (confused) Huh?

Father: I mean that a young man should have certain experiences when he’s your age. Parties, and all that sort of stuff. And then one day when he’s matured past that point, he can settle down and put it all aside. It helps you to become a real man.

Kenneth: You think so?

Father:  I know so. I went through all of that stuff when I was your age and I enjoyed every minute of it. (reminiscing tone)Yup, me and my boys had some good times.  When I decided that it was time to settle down, I married your mother and started a family. I was looking forward to seeing you go through that stuff, but when I heard you got saved and saw how you spent all of that time in church I was a little disappointed, cause I knew you’d miss out on a lot.

Kenneth: You were?

Father:  Yes I was. Listen son, that church stuff is all good. I might get into it myself one day. But it’s just not right for a guy your age. You should be going out and enjoying yourself like other kids and when you have had your fun THEN you can really get into it. I’m sure God will still be there when you’re ready for Him. Think about it son. (horn beeps) I gotta go before your mother leaves me. (runs out) Coming dear !!! (Kenneth remains thinking)

Scene 4- 
(Kenneth’s bedroom Kenneth is pacing around the room thinking)

Narration- That was the final straw. Kenneth truly believed that he had made a mistake in getting saved so early and nothing that he did could make him think otherwise. He tried talking to his church friends ( Kenneth picks up phone) but they couldn’t change his mind, he tried praying but that didn’t seem to help, (Kenneth kneels down to pray but gets up frustrated) and when he couldn’t find any verse in the Bible to help, finally, tired and frustrated he gave up. (picks up Bible looks in it and then puts it down angrily) 

Kenneth: (angry, gets up)- That’s it!!! I have had it. They’re all right. I wasted my time getting saved. Kevin and the other guys get to do all the cool stuff, go the best places and have the most fun. And what do I have? Nothing. Just a few unexciting friends and a boring church to go to (sits down in frustration) I wonder how things would be if I hadn’t done it. What if I hadn’t got saved? I wish I could see how it would be. I bet it’d be a whole lot better (goes into bed and plops down angrily)

Narration: You know what they say - Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.

	End of act 1

Act 2
Scene 5 
(Kenneth’s room)

Narrator- The next day Kenneth woke up to a big surprise.

 Kenneth: Wow, (yawns) I didn’t even realise I went to sleep. I guess I (looks around) was…really…tired (speaks slowly as he realises his room has changed)
(jumps up) Ahhhh, WHERE AM I !!!! (Looks around) How’d I get here I..I..I I’ve been kidnapped or something. (hysterical) AND WHAT DID THEY DO TO ME ( looks at himself)  I LOOK LIKE A DRUG DEALER!! Wait. (looks around) I know where I am. This is my room!! Someone just changed it up. But how. (thinks) Maybe it really happened? Nah that’s impossible!! Or is it? (thinks) Of course it is. Yeah, this is all a trick, (nervous laugh) that’s it, mom and dad are just messing me up. Well, I’ll deal with them later. Time for some breakfast. But how’d they change my clothes and give me a tattoo? (thinks and shrugs) I guess I was really knocked out (goes out, but comes back in looks at picture of rapper) Man, he is ugly (walks out)

Scene 5b 
(Kitchen table parents are in room, father sitting and reading, mother cooking)

 Kenneth: Morning, mom and dad. That was a nice one you pulled on me. How’d you do it?

Mother:  Do what?

 Kenneth: You know what I mean. With my bedroom and the posters and my clothes and so on.

Father:  What are you talking about. Your room always looks that way.

 Kenneth: (sighs) Ok I’ll bother with that later. Have any of you seen my Bible? I gotta do my devotions.

Mother:  You!!! Read a Bible ! Now you’re the one playing tricks (both laugh)

Father:  Next thing he’ll be saying that he likes going to church (more laughter)

 Kenneth: (puzzled) What are you talking about. I love going to church and I read my bible every day.

(Parents stare, then both jump up)

Father:  (scared) Son, are you ok? Carol check his temperature.

Mother:  (checks) He seems normal. Wait a minute Kenneth, are you using drugs?

 Kenneth: (shocked) What!! NO!! 

Mother: (angry) Don’t lie to me, boy!! First you talking about your room changing and now you saying that you like reading the Bible and going to church!! That sounds like you’re high to me!(crying) Oh I knew this would’ve happen, Andrew this is all your fault.

Father:  My fault !?!? How it get my fault (both start arguing).

 Kenneth: Ok, Ok, Ok, sorry I was just kidding ok. Yeah, that’s it was, just a joke, ok. (nervously laughs)

Mother:  (angrily) A joke ?! A joke!? You don’t play jokes like that boy (slaps him across the head)

Father:  Yeah you nearly give me a heart attack (does the same, both go back to what they were doing)

 Kenneth: So anyway I’m hungry. What’s for breakfast?

Mother:  Breakfast, you mean what’s for lunch. You see the time.

 Kenneth: (Looks at clock. jumps)  11:55. How’d I wake up so late.

Father:  (laughs) You mean how you wake up so early. You usually get up around 2.

 Kenneth: WHAT!!!

Mother:  Well what do you expect, after coming in so late. I think you got in about 5 this morning.

 Kenneth: Ummmm, oh ok (goes to aside, stage whispers) This can’t be happening. This gotta be a dream or something.

Mother:  (concerned) You ok over there son, Why are you talking to yourself?

Kenneth: (shocked) Umm I… I (phone rings, father picks it up)

Father:  Kenneth, the phone is for you.(looks outside) Oh no it’s starting to rain. Dear let’s go get the clothes off of the line. (parents walk out)

Kenneth: (picks it up) Hello.

Solomon’s voice: Yeah man, get ready we coming for you now.

Kenneth: Who is this? 

Solomon: What, you mean “Who is this?” It’s Solomon, me and Kevin coming for you in half an hour. We going to the mall to get some gear for the party tonight. Get ready.(hangs up)

Kenneth: (pauses surprised) It really happened. I’m not a Christian anymore. (pauses and then starts to smile) I’m not a Christian anymore. I’m free !!!!. Now I can do all the stuff I missed out on. I can go to parties and YES, Now Alana will like me, Yes, yes, yes. (Starts dancing, unknown to him his parents return and see him dancing, a short while later he turns and sees them staring at him) 

Kenneth: (embarrassed) Ummmm. Just stretching. Ummmm I’d better go get ready.(walks out)    

(Parents stare for a while in silence)

Father:  I still say he’s on drugs.

Mother:  Well it didn’t come from my side of the family. (both walk out arguing)

Scene 6 
(Mall/ clothing store)

Narrator- At 1st Kenneth was overjoyed at his new situation. He hung out with the coolest guys on campus, and he seemed to have quite an active social life. Everything seemed perfect. But when he got to the mall, he slowly began to suspect that everything may not have been all it cracked up to be.

(All 3 guys walk in)

Solomon: ..So then I tell him. Dad, the car was wrecked when I found it last night. (Kenneth looks disgusted, Solomon and Kevin laugh)

Kevin: Any way, we gotta hurry, I gotta get some new clothes and then get down to the barber.

Solomon: Yeah yeah, we know the drill already Kevin. Anyway Kenneth, you getting anything?

Kenneth: Umm nah, I’m good for now and you?

Solomon: You should know already. I don’t come here to shop. I come for the scenery.

Kenneth (puzzled) You mean like the trees and the flowers?

Solomon: No (laughs) I mean the girls man. You remember the trick, right? 

Kenneth: Umm, which one?

Solomon: You really out of it today. A lot of girls will be here buying clothes for the party tonight. So we hang out here, scope out which one’s we want now, so that when the party start we go to the girls we pick and get down to business one time. Saves a lot of time… and money to think of it. (all the while Kevin is looking at clothes) How could you forget? You’re the one who taught me it remember!

Kenneth: (shocked)- Really, (catches on) Oh yeah, but I stopped doing it because I always thought that it was a dumb way to get a girlfriend.

Solomon: Girlfriend !! (laughs) You hear him Kevin. Girlfriend. You don’t know me yet? I don’t want a girlfriend to hold me down.

Kenneth: But you said…

Solomon: I just looking for a girl to  talk with for the night. I’m a player, bro, and I’m always on the go. Why do you think they call me Solomon?

Kenneth: Isn’t that your real name?

Solomon: No, it’s Barry. (rolls his eyes and sighs) They call me Solomon cause of all the girlfriends I’ve dated. (suspicious)Why are you acting so funny today?

Kenneth: Um I…

Solomon: Never mind, I think I see a target now.

Sales clerk: Hi boys, you need any help?

Solomon: (looks at her) As a matter of fact, yes my lovely friend. I want you to show me some… (walks off with her, chatting) 

Kenneth: (stares) Boy he is a real professional at that, isn’t he?

Kevin: (still looking at shirt) Yeah, you know how he is. Anyway, when it comes to girls, I find the passive approach works best.

Kenneth: How do you mean?

Kevin: Simple. I come out dressed to kill and let them come to me. Why do you think I always look so good? (holds up this shirt) How this one look to you?

Kenneth: Umm. It’s ok.

Kevin: (thinks) I think I’ll get it. Now all I gotta get is pants and some shoes.

Kenneth: All of that just for a party!!

Kevin: (angry) Just for a party?!? Who are you and what have you done to Kenneth Grant!!? It’s like what you always used to say. Clothes make the player, boy. If you want to be anything in life you gotta look the best at all times. If you don’t got the clothes you aren’t anything, you hear. Solomon’s right, you acting really strange. (turns away to look at something else)

Kenneth: Uh huh. (to himself) I’d hate to see your credit card bill.

Kevin: (turns back) You say something?

Kenneth: Um no. (Kevin’s cell rings)

Kevin: Wait. (answers it) Hello? (to Kenneth) I gotta take this, I’ll be right back. Oh yeah man,…uh huh, well how much you want and when (talks while walking off)

Narrator:  Kenneth began to realise that despite their popularity, Kevin and Solomon really weren’t the guys he really wanted to hang out with after all. They were both proud, materialistic and, to be quite honest, not too nice. But pretty soon he met someone he really did want to hang with. Very much.

Kenneth: (quietly to himself) To think I used to believe that these guys were so cool. Who would’ve thought they’d be such jerks.

(Alana walks on from behind Kenneth)

Alana: Talking to yourself isn’t a good sign, Kenneth.

Kenneth: (turns quickly)Alana !!! Oh hi there! (talking nervously) F-fancy meeting you here!! 

Alana:  So you out shopping?

Kenneth: Me !! Noooo I’m not shopping, I’m just chilling here with Solomon and Kevin, while they look for clothes and gi.. I mean other things. So, how’s it going? Where is Narda, the 2 of you are always together.

Alana:  Well, we don’t’ hang together so much now. She got some issues in her life. But you should know better than me.

Kenneth: (confused) What you mean?

Alana:  Forget it. Let’s not talk about her. You going to the party tonight?

Kenneth: You know I don’t go to.. (catches himself) I mean of course. Those things can’t miss me. You?

Alana:  Uh huh. Especially now that you’re going. I’ve had my eye on you and been waiting for a chance to (touches him) get to know you better.

Kenneth: (excited) Really!! (regains composure) I mean really? Well that’s good, cause I’ve been watching you, too.

Alana:  (smiles) I thought as much. I’ve been shopping the whole morning. And I’ve picked out something especially for you.

Kenneth: (starts to get flustered) Oh Oh Oh Oh, well. Then I’ll definitely be there.

Alana:  I’ll be waiting. Bye. (walks out Kenneth watches her as she goes, when she leaves he nearly faints Solomon and Kevin catch him)

Kevin: Man, you ok?

Kenneth: (comes to) Ummm yeah. I just…. umm a little hungry that’s all. (gets up)

Kevin: (worried) You sure?

Solomon: Look if the man say he’s alright, he’s alright. But you see that just now. The man just was talking to Alana Seale. 

Kevin: Oh Yeah. You go boy. 

Solomon: That’s the Kenneth I remember. So are you going in for the kill tonight?

Kenneth: (confused) Um what do you mean by..

Kevin: Look, man, is that even a question? This is Kenneth Grant we’re talking about. So you pick your girl for the night yet?

Solomon: Long time man. Tonight me and she will get better acquainted. Anyway, you all got everything? We all done here?

Kenneth: (jumps up) All done? You mean now start. I now gotta get some clothes for tonight (starts looking at clothes frantically)

Scene 7
Party (people could be standing around talking ,chairs could be around the room, there needs to be a couch in the centre)

Narration- Finally the big moment came - the Beer and Babes Party. Kenneth spent hours getting ready. He practiced how he’d look, how he’d talk and even how he’d walk and laugh. But nothing in the world could have prepared him for what he’d see that night.

(Kenneth, Solomon and Kevin walk in, dressed up)

Solomon: (takes a good whiff) Ahh, nothing like the smell of a good party, boys.  This is the-(stops) Wait (shouts) What happened to the music in here? What kind of party is this?

Person in crowd: The speakers aren’t working. They’re trying to fix them now.

Solomon: (still shouting) Oh!! cause I would gotta misbehave in here!!!! Cause I pay good money to…..

Kevin: Ok man, chill, out. (looks around) Look, go and get us some drinks. (gives him some money)

Solomon: (snatches the money) Well alright, as long as you paying. What you want?

Kenneth: (uncertain) Ummm well I …

Kevin: Look go get us a couple beers. I ‘m not  ready for the hard stuff yet. (Solomon walks off, Kevin turns to Kenneth) So, are you ready to deal with Alana man?

Kenneth: Umm, yeah man. I’ve been practising the whole day so that I’ll be ready.

Kevin: (laughs) Practicing. What you think this is? A dance routine? You’re Kenneth Grant, man, Grade A player. This isn’t anything you haven’t done dozens of times before.

Kenneth: (silently) Dozens? 

Kevin: Ok, Ok hundreds, but who’s counting right?

Kenneth: (long disgusted pause) Right. Anyway what are you planning to do? You got a girl picked already?

Kevin: Yeah I do. But I gotta some matters to attend to first. Business always comes before pleasure.

Kenneth: Really. What type of business?

Kevin: (apprehensive) Oh you don’t worry about that. It’s nothing really. I gotta meet two clients right now (looks around).They should be here any minute. Ah , there they are. (2 mature, suspicious looking men walk on)

Man 1: Hey man, Kevin. How’re things going? (both knock hands)You ready for us??

Kevin: (confident) I’m always ready to do business man. Let’s go in the back and talk. 

Kenneth: I gine be right back. Don’t let Solomon, drink all the beers. (all 3 walk off, Kenneth looks puzzled but shrugs it off, Solomon returns with 3 drinks)

Solomon: Yeah man, I’m back. Let’s get the party really started? Where’s Kevin.

Kenneth: He just went in the back with 2 guys. What’s that all about?

Solomon: Beats me, but that’s his business. Here’s yours man. (gives him the drink)

Kenneth: (hesitant) Ummm, no thanks man. I don’t want it.

Solomon: (shocked) What’re you talking about? You always have a drink at a party.

Kenneth: Ummm not any more, I’m trying to stop. They’re not good for you in the long run.

Solomon: (laughs) Trying to stop!!! (shouts across the room) Hear this ya’ll. Kenneth “6 pack” Grant, is here saying that he’s trying to stop drinking (everyone stops what they are doing and break out laughing)

Kenneth: (puzzled) What’s so funny.

Solomon: (laughing) You are!!! You saying that you wanna stop drinking is like a dog saying it wants to stop eating bones. It just ain’t happening.

 Kenneth: (shocked) What!!!

Solomon: (still laughing)Yeah. Just last month the boys had to take you to the hospital in a wheelbarrow after you drank  so much. And when you woke up 2 days later you said you wanted a beer to clear your head.

Kenneth: (speechless) Oh Oh yeah ,well that’s why I’m trying to cut back. I hate going to the hospital.

Solomon: Well if you’re not drinking it, lemme have it. (snatches it) Can’t let good drink waste. And as for you and that “not good for you in the long run” nonsense, lemme tell you something. Forget the future. Live life for today because it’s short and… (looks) Ah look, there’s the girl I wanted to talk to. I gone. (takes swig and leaves) Hey baby, remember me?!?!

Kenneth: This is just getting worse and worse.

Alana:  (walks in with an immodest outfit) You really gotta stop talking to yourself, Kenneth. Why not come over here and talk to me? (Kenneth’s so shocked he can’t talk)

Kenneth: Ummm Ummm Ummmm…

Alana:  What’s the matter Kenneth, Do you like my dress?

Kenneth: Ummm, I, I, I  like it . But don’t you think it’s a little ummm…

Alana:  (cuts him out) Long? Yeah actually, but I couldn’t find anything shorter. Any way, why are you all by yourself. Where are you boys?

Kenneth: Oh them, they’re busy doing ummm, stuff.

Alana:  Oh good. Now I’ll have you all for myself.

Kenneth: (a little bothered and uncomfortable) O, O well really, well that’s nice.

Alana:  I can’t wait till this music starts so I can get down (looks around, sees couch in centre of room) Anyway till then let’s have a seat, over there. (goes and sits down) Come on, sit down. (Kenneth sits uneasily on the opposite end of couch) Come closer. ( Kenneth is hesitant and slowly goes across)

Alana:  So you’re playing hard to get huh? (laughs) Well ok. If that’s how you want it. (goes over to him) how do you like that, now?

Kenneth: Um well (nervous laugh) That’s very nice. So how are you enjoying the evening so far?

Alana:  To be honest, without the music it’s a bit dull, but it’ll liven up eventually. So are you gonna dance with me when it starts?

Kenneth: (shyly)Well, I um, don’t really…..(the two men Kevin was with, come on dragging on Kevin from offstage, everyone stops to look)

Kevin: But officer, I’m serious, I didn’t know it was illegal to sell it.

Officer 2: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be held against you in a court of law.

Kenneth: (runs on) Officer, what happened. What are you doing?

Officer 1: Well, son, it’s a bit obvious that we’re arresting your friend.

Kenneth: On what grounds??

Officer 1: Possession of an illegal substance with intent to sell. Now get out of my way before I take you in for obstruction of justice. (Kenneth steps off, and they start to take him out) 

Kevin: (scared and resisting) Ken do something!!!! I can’t get locked up. I’m too young to go to prison. HELLLLLP. (finally is dragged off)

Kenneth: (state of disbelief) I..I can’t believe it.  Kevin….was  a drug dealer. 

Alana:  Aw please!!! Come on. Think about it. His mother is a waitress and his father’s a bus driver. He never had a job but yet he always wore the latest most expensive fashions. Think about it, genius. Where do you think he got all the money??

Solomon: (runs on, obviously drunk with a beer in hand) Boys, the fuzz got Kevin. I’m gonna save him. Who’s with me??? (silence, no one moves) Well, forget all of y’all. I’ll do it all by my self. (takes a swig) I’m coming, pal!!!(takes a few steps and collapses in the centre of stage)

(Kenneth stares shocked)

Alana:  Oh  don’t worry. That happens all of the time. He’ll be up and running in a few hours.  So now since you boys are all busy. (two guys come on and drag off  Solomon )What do you wanna do???

Kenneth: (still angry) I dunno. This party isn’t all I hoped. I’m think I’ll go home.

Alana:  Aw come on, stay here with me and keep me company (slides closer)

Kenneth (shocked) Huh, umm ummm. I think you’re a little tipsy now, maybe you should go home.

Alana:  What are you talking about??? I haven’t had any drinks yet. I was on my way to the bar when I saw you.

Kenneth: WHAT!!!

Alana:  (laughs) This is all me, baby. Alcohol free. Wait till you see me when I really have been drinking. Then, is when I really lose control. 

Kenneth: (shocked) What?!?

Voice from offstage: You mean a man can’t leave his girl for a few minutes without some guy going after her?? (huge man walks on)

Kenneth (terrified)- Who are you???

Alana: (steps between them) Bulldog!! Stop it!! I told you it’s over. We’re done, ok!! This is my new boyfriend right here!! Right Kenneth?

Kenneth: (scared stiff) Ummmmm…

Bulldog: (angrily) Well what he got that I don’t??

Alana:  Everything. Better looking, more money, more class. And you know what, he just said he’s 10 times the man you are. Right Ken?

Kenneth (still shocked) Ummmmmm…

Bulldog: (furious) What?? He said, what?? Look boy I’m gonna fix you up good. I’m gonna get my crew for you, right, now. 

Alana: (shouting) Well, go and get you crew. Kenny’s not afraid of them. Even the ones that went to prison. Go bring all of them. Tell him, Kenny.

Kenneth: Ummmmm…

Bulldog: Alright if that how you want it. I’ll be right back. (stomps off,)!!!! (Kenneth looks petrified)

Alana:  Some guys just don’t know when it’s over. Pitiful huh?

Kenneth: (still shocked) Huh ? Umm yeah. So when did you break up??

Alana (thinks) Ummm, this evening just before I got here. Anyway (takes his shoulder) you ready yet?

Kenneth: Well I uh…..

Voice from offstage: Ya just can’t keep your hands to yourself can’t you?

Alana: (turns angrily) O boy, Who is this now?? (A visibly pregnant Narda walks on, much to Kenneth’s surprise)

Alana:  Oh (scoffs) You!!!!

Narda:  Yeah!! Me. You never change, do you. You just can’t keep throwing yourself at men like a baseball in a short skirt.

Alana:  Hah. You’re one to talk, Mother Teresa. 

Narda:  (angry) What’s that? Listen, girl, don’t think that because I’m in this condition that I can’t thrash you good. (gets ready to fight)

Kenneth: (steps in) No need for this, ladies. Umm Hi Narda , you look, ummm, great. How are you?

Narda:  (scoffs) How am I? Pregnant, you fool. 

Kenneth: Ummm, of course you are? So umm, who’s the father.

Narda:  ( mumbles) Who’s the father, he says. It’s you, you idiot, or have you forgotten already?

Kenneth: (shocked) WHATTT!!!! When??? How????

Narda:  Don’t play stupid on me. You know very well what you did. There are some consequences and repercussions to your action. I’m just here to let you know that I’m going to go shopping at the mall for some stuff and YOU are going to pay for it.
	 
Kenneth: (shocked) What!!!  But the baby hasn’t been born yet.

Narda:  Who’s talking about the baby. Thanks to you, I’ve gone up 3 pants sizes, so I need a new wardrobe. So I’m going to get myself some new clothes and it’s coming out of YOUR  pocket . (Alana looks interested)

Kenneth: But you can’t do that.

Narda:  I can and I will, and you’d better not try to worm out of it or I’m taking you to court for insufficient support.

Kenneth: But, but…

Narda:  Don’t come to me with any of that. You should have known there’d be responsibilities when you started charming me in the first place. Anyway, I’m gone see you in a couple months. (turns to walk off)

Alana:  Wait a minute girl, I can’t let you do that…..

Kenneth: (sigh of relief) Thanks, Alana please talk some sense into….

Alana:  Without me! Girl, sorry about all of that stuff I said before. It’s all of these drinks got me acting funny. You know I can’t hold my liquor. I know exactly where you can get some of the best stuff to wear at the mall.

Narda:  Oh really, girl ,  I know how it is. Water under the bridge. I’m not myself either, with all the hormones acting up and stuff. But let’s go.

Alana:  While we’re at it let’s get us me some of those new Gucci  handbags that are out, after all, he is paying for it.

Narda:  Good idea.  It’ll be like old times. You, me and some poor loser’s money.

Alana:  (laughs while walking off) Yeah girl. And boy is he a loser. Would you believe I’ve been making passes at him the whole night and he hasn’t caught on at all. What an idiot. 

(Kenneth stands there for a second puzzled)

Kenneth: What just happened there?!?!?!

 Narrator – In that one night, Kenneth learned a valuable lesson about life. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but the reason is that it has a lot of fertiliser in it and he came to a big realisation . 

Kenneth (looks around at the scene) I don’t belong here, I never have and I never will.

Narrator: So a few hours older, but a whole lot wiser, he decided to make his way home but before he got there he learned another lesson. (Kenneths turns to walk away)- Experience is a great teacher……(Bulldog and a few other guys walk in and surround him) but its lessons are often painful.

Bulldog: Well, well, well. Look men, it’s Peter, Peter girlfriend stealer and he’s all alone.

Kenneth: (nervous) Uh hi Bulldog, n nice to s s s s see you again.

Bulldog: Oh the pleasure it all mine. Cause now I can lick the stuffing out of you for messing with my girl. (guys start to close in)

Kenneth: Oh come on guys, can’t we discuss this like gentleman, and (points outside) Oh look, it’s Halley Berry (guy turn to look and he runs off, they soon realise it and run behind him)

Scene 8 
(Home- bedroom) 

(Kenneth limps in tired and ruffled. He plops down in a chair painfully, as soon as he sits down his father walks in)

Father: (shouts and startles Kenneth) Hi, son. Have a good time? 

Kenneth: (tired) Oh, hi dad. No, not exactly.

Father:  Really? Why not?

Kenneth: Let’s say it was quite educational. I learned that the guys who I thought were the coolest in the campus aren’t all they appear, the girl of my dreams is like Jezebel and Delilah rolled up in one. I learned to always find out if a girl has a boyfriend before talking to her. Oh, and I might need a big raise in my allowance pretty soon for some “expenses” I’ll be soon having.

(Father stares a few seconds, starts sniggering and laughs aloud, unknown to them the mother has walked in, in the background and is listening intently)

Kenneth: (puzzled) What’s so funny?

Father:  That’s all part of it, son. I thought you knew that.

Kenneth: (shocked) What?

Father:  (laughing) Yup. The fights, the sneaky girls, the angry boyfriends. Me and my boys went through all of that. I reckon me Tony and Roachie had to go through one of those incidents at least once a week. Surprising huh?

Kenneth: Not as surprising as someone named Roachie, but yeah.

Father:  Anyway, that was the life. The best days of my life. If  I could just… (Mother storms in angrily) 

Mother:  What foolishness are you telling this boy.

Father:  (shocked) Um, hi dear, I was just telling him about the good old days and..

Mother:  Good old days???? Good old days???

Father:  Now dear. 

Mother:  Don’t now dear me. You keep acting as if those days were the best time of your life.

Father:  But…

Mother: (angrily) Newsflash Andrew. They weren’t. All that happened was you and your boys ran around trying to act cool by doing all sorts of nonsense. BUT, why don’t you talk about the consequences.

Father:  (uneasily) Umm, what do you mean?

Mother:  Why don’t you ever mention what happened after your escapades, with the parties and the drinking and girls and the fights? Like how many times you ended up in the hospital or almost dead?

Father:  Honey…

Mother:  As a matter of fact, let’s play a game of “Where are they now” shall we. You talk about Tony and Roachie so much, so tell me where is Tony???

Father:  (pauses) Um well…

Mother:  He’s in prison. You know why? He spent so much time playing the field that he ended   getting kids for six different women and got locked up for  non payment of child support . And Roachie he’s hooked up to a dialysis machine.

Kenneth: (shocked) Huh, why.

Mother:  He spent so many years drinking that he permanently destroyed his liver when he was 40.

Father:  (meekly) I tried to get him to cut down but…

Mother:  And you can’t even talk. Andrew. Kenneth, do you know how I and your father met?

Kenneth: Wasn’t it in a shoe store or something???

Mother:  No. Old Fast and Furious” here tried to impress some girl with his driving skills and ran off the road. I was a nurse at the hospital he was in and I had to tend to him when he was in the ICU. She didn’t even come to visit him. I thought that that had taught you a lesson, Andrew!!!

Father:  Well yeah, it did.

Mother:  Then don’t you think you owe our son a PROPER explanation???

Father:  Ok, ok… (hesitates)

Mother:  (shouts) NOW !!!

Father:  (jumps) Alright, Alright. the truth is son that type of life I lived may have been fun at first, but it also carried a lot of awful consequences. Alcoholism, teenage fatherhood, imprisonment, and those were the lucky ones. Some of the guys I knew didn’t make it past 25.

Mother:  Or 20.
 
Father:  Right or 20. In a lot of ways it better to have a less eventful life, because it’s a lot safer. You see those Christian kids. People may laugh at them because they don’t drink or party, but truthfully, that lifestyle protects them from so much things. Perhaps you should consider taking it up someday. (Kenneth looks flabbergasted) Anyway I got to go I think me and your mother are going to have a little talk tonight.

(As the father walks past the mother, she hits him on the head with her hand)
 
Mother:  Always filling up the boy’s head with foolishness. (both go out arguing)

(Kenneth still looks shocked, walks to bed and plops down on it)

Kenneth: I cannot believe it. (looks up) Lord, I’ve learned my lesson. It was a foolish wish, I see that now. I was a lot happier and safer before, I want my old life back. Please!!! (long pause, Kenneth keeps looking up and then sighs) I guess I’m stuck like this. (goes over to bed sadly) Thy will be done , I guess. In a way I deserve it. I’m going to go to bed and I’ll sort this out in the morning. (lies down and falls asleep)

Scene 9 
Kenneth’s room (Everything is back to normal as it was at the beginning)

(Kenneth wakes up, not noticing the change)

Kenneth: Now, (yawns) how do I get myself out of this situation. I guess I gotta go job hunting now and… (looks around slowly ,suddenly jumps up)

Kenneth: Everything is back to normal, I got my life back (dances around) It’s back to normal, it’s all back to normal. (parents walk in runs up to them)   

Kenneth: Hi, mom and dad it’s all back to normal. (runs out)  It all back to normallllllll. (parents stare for a few seconds)

Mother:  Do you think maybe he might be on drugs?????

FINALE
 (school setting)

Narrator- The next Monday, Kenneth returned to school with a new outlook on life. No longer would he envy his unsaved friends because of the life that the thought they had. He had convinced himself that his life was the best it could be. Convincing the others however, would be easier said than done. 

(Kenneth walks onto the stage, Solomon, Alana, Narda and Kevin are already there)

(Solomon looks at him and laughs)

Solomon: O look, it’s Christian boy. So Kenneth how was your weekend? Hear any good sermons lately? (Kevin and Alana laugh)

Kenneth: (slightly annoyed) Actually I did. So how was the party on Saturday? I trust you had a nice slumber in the gutter.

Narda and Alana:  Oooooooh.

Solomon: (embarrassed) Umm, I didn’t fall sleep in no gutter. It was a bench. Anyway despite that I still know that my life much better than your religious boring one.

Kevin: Yeah. I wouldn’t want to be you at all.

Kenneth: And I wouldn’t want to be you, either. Let’s compare our lives, shall we. I do something positive and worthwhile - serving God, which I KNOW will pay off in the long run, while you drink and party every week, which we all know won’t end up well in the end. Let’s see. (thinks) Nope, no envy there.

Solomon: (at a loss for words) Oh yeah well… umm at least I know that….(looks at Alana) you could never get anything like this, though.  Right Alana? Show him what he’s missing, girl. (Alana spins around to show off herself) Guys like you never get girls like this. Right, Alana?

Alana:  Yup. You’re nowhere in my league.

Kenneth: And I don’t want girls like that. Not anymore, at least. 

Alana(shocked) Wha???

Kenneth: You heard me, girls like you are like jelly fish.  Pretty to look at, but best kept far away from. “Ladies” like you come a dime a dozen. But I know God has a special woman for me. All I got to do is wait till He sends her for me.(turns to walk away) I’ll see you guys later. (all still shocked)

Alana: (shocked) Bbbbbbut…

Kenneth: (to Alana) One more thing. You say I’m not in your league. Well truth is, I’m a Christian, you’re not. So actually you’re not in my league. Bye (walks off, all of the others stare and then Kevin runs up to Kenneth).

Kevin: Ken, wait!!! (Kenneth stops)

Kenneth: (annoyed) What is it? Do you want to ridicule me some more???

Kevin: No, I have a confession  to make.

Kenneth: Really? What is it???

Kevin: (sighs) You know I realised something.. This weekend, I came home from another party and do you know how I felt?

Kenneth: How?

Kevin: Empty. Each Saturday. I go out, meet the same people, dance to the same songs, come home, sleep and repeat the next week. There’s no point, no progress, no purpose. Just simple repetition. That’s why I keep doing it, to find something new, but I never do.

Kenneth: (interested) Really?

Kevin: Solomon is the same. He looks for fulfilment in girls and drinks, but he doesn’t. No matter what he drinks or which girl he meets at the end he just feels the same. Alana and Narda are the same too. They just don’t realise it yet.

Kenneth: I see.

Kevin: But you’re different. You and the other Christians. I mean you don’t do half the stuff we do, but still, you guys seem to have a joy and a purpose that I can’t understand. And here’s a secret- the real reason I give you a hard time is because I envy you.

Kenneth: (shocked) Really!

Kevin: What I’m trying to say is… I don’t know what it is that you guys have, but I want it. Can you please show me,( looks back at the others) I mean show us how to get it?

Kenneth: (shocked) Oh course. But are you sure the others will listen.

Kevin: I’ll make them listen. Now can you tell us about Jesus and how He can change our lives.
Kenneth (smiles)  I’d love to. (takes Bible out of his bag, opens it and they start waling to others) Now you see here in John 3:16 …

Narrator - So thus ends our story about Kenneth, a guy who learned that sometimes when you get what you think you wish for you might then realise that you don’t want it and that also when you try to keep us with the Joneses, sometimes the Joneses want to keep us with you. 

(As narrator talks Kenneth is talking to the group who are intently listening, when the narrator finishes the curtains close)
The End