Dean: Announcer who makes a plea for help.
Salesman: A loud excited person trying to make a sale.
Maxomatic: A robot who looks like the Terminator.
Dave: Makes a good finishing argument.
Salesman: (Like an annoying commercial) Stop! Don’t reach for those sign up sheets! Not until you’ve tried new MAXOMATIC! It paints! It hammers nails! It fixes leaky pipes! It mows the lawn! It does anything you don’t want to do! Who wants to be wasting their day off on menial chores when you, with a simple wave of your hand, can send MAXOMATIC off to do it for you. Yes, for a ridiculously low price, you can be sipping lemonade, while MAXOMATIC does the work! And if you act now, we’ll send you a great comfy hammock…
Dean: (Tries in vain to interrupt the Salesman several times during the presentation without success. He finally breaks in.) What in the world are you doing? Can’t you see, we’re in the middle of a church service here. I was trying to make an announcement.
Salesman: Yes! That’s exactly why I’m here sir! The Almighty must have
heard your cry for help and sent me! I’m the answer
to all your problems. Why, when you have MAXOMATIC, you won’t need any volunteers!
Dean: Hmm! We really don’t have enough folks signed up for all the work that has to get done. Tell me more!
Salesman: I’ll do better than that! I’ll give you a demonstration! I just happen to have brought the latest model MAXOMATIC with me. (He walks over to the robot which is covered with a sheet while he is talking. He uncovers MAXOMATIC.) VOILA! Model XL-3! The latest in automated robotic technology! Now, come on over here and I’ll show you how easy it is!
Salesman: First things first! How to turn it on! Simply clap your hands, like this! (claps hands…Max awakens.)
Max: Hello! How may I help you?
Salesman: Aha! Isn’t he great? He already wants to help! Ha Ha! I love modern technology. To turn him off is just as easy! Simply wave your left hand in a circular motion like this… and…snap…he’s off! (Max slumps into sleep.) Isn’t it great? Why don’t you get him to do something…ah like how about dusting your piano…
Dean: Ah…Okay… How do I turn him on again?
Salesman: Simple! Clap ON! Clap OFF! (claps hands appropriately)
Dean: Oh! Right! Uh…Max ON! (Max awakens)
Salesman: Now, just go ahead and tell him to do something! Anything!
Dean: Uh…Dust the piano.
Max: Yes sir! Happy to help! (Max begins to thoroughly dust the piano.)
Dean: Wow! This is great! He’ll do anything I tell him?
Salesman: Yep! All you have to do is relax!
Dean: (Addresses the congregation) Well this is an answer to prayer. It looks like we won’t be needing help from you folks at all. We’ll be able to get everything completed with old Max here. So don’t even worry about the work day. We don’t even need you!
Dave: Excuse me, Dean. This thing is really going too long and besides, I really think you’re missing something here.
Dean: What’s that, Dave?
Dave: Well for one, everything comes with a cost attached. Max-O’Maniac or whatever he’s called, probably is more than this church can afford.
Salesman: That’s the least of your problems! We offer our own financing and you can make easy monthly installments. Don’t forget the free comfy hammock!
Dave: Here’s the real point, Dean. God gave us this building and it is our responsibility to take proper care of it. I’m sure everyone in this church realizes that. And I’m quite sure that everyone here wants to do everything they can to ensure that it doesn’t fall apart. I know that if you asked right now, there would be plenty of people who would be willing to commit themselves to helping, at least for part of the day, on (insert date).
Dean: All right then, how about it? Who is willing to help take care of the building that God gave us? How about a show of hands…or better yet, if you are willing to help on (insert date), even for part of the day, would you be willing to show your support by coming up here right now and standing with me? You may even get a chance to see Maxomatic live and in person…
Copyright Mike Orlowski, all rights reserved.
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