Summary: This play is based on the account of Jesus’s birth as told in the gospel of Matthew. It is designed to not be a Hallmark card of a play. The story begins with Mary and Joseph being chased out of their hometown because of the scandal of Mary’s pregnancy. It introduces Herod and a teacher of the Jewish Law, who discuss the political implications of a messiah and messianic prophecy. The arrival of three bumbling wise men at Herod’s court makes him even more paranoid, and he sends them to find the baby Jesus, who is now one year old or so. There is a beautiful moment near the end of the play in which we see that Jesus, even in his birth and childhood, was part of a story that valued the poor and foreigners.
In terms of formatting, between the acts there is a bit of poetry which can be omitted at the director’s discretion, but it provides some context and summary. It’s a good minor role for people who want to be a part of the production but not memorize lines or act.
Mary and Joseph scenes are pretty typical of Christmas plays, with narration and drama. The wise men are comic relief who, at the suggestion of the original cast, speak in some version of California English. Their scenes are usually light hearted and silly. Herod and the Pharisee are serious characters, the former an unbalanced and paranoid king with an ominous presence and the latter a person who hates Herod and yet is bound to serve his people by associating with him. I’ve written the play with language assuming that every character is their traditional gender, but there is no reason that has to be the case. Feel free to adapt the script for your own needs.
Style: Drama, with light touches. Duration: 30min?
Actors: 2F, 9M, + Chorus/poetry readers
Cast
Chorus/poetry readers
Joseph’s mother/Mom
Joseph
Mary
Herod
Pharisee
Caspar
Melchior
Balthazar
Shepherd
Soldier
Gabriel
Script
Scene 1
Chorus: All gather round and I’ll tell you a tale
Of kings, and a God, and a plan that would fail
Of action scenes and brilliant lights
Of normal folks and village fights
The sounds and sights of which resound
Through history and all around
This land on which we stand
This hallowed ground and holy world
Was carved by one who chose a girl
Of just fifteen or so
Lightning bolts He cast aside, for it was His joy and pride
To make his story ours
So much did he desire to meet us, hands that brushed aside the stars
Now curled up as a fetus
Mom: [Offstage] Get out of our town, Jezebel
Chorus: [Startled but quiet] Yikes.
Joseph: Mom, don’t...
Mom: You’re siding with her, after what she...
Mary: [Emerging into room] I’m sorry, I told you what happen-
Mom: You would take the name of the Lord in vain! [Rock (foam) flies out and hits Mary. She puts her hand to her head and gets a bit of red paint on it. [Optional] Joseph stands at door and blocks his mom who tries to push past]
Joseph: You just threw a rock at a woman with child! What...
Mom: Not your child!
Joseph: It’s God’s child! I told you what the angel tol...
Mom: That’s heresy!
Joseph: Mary, go, I’ll catch you up. Mom, we’re leaving. That’s what’s best for all of us. Go back home.
Mom: You don’t have to go with her. She chose her path.
Joseph: Mom I know you think it’s crazy. But it’s God’s path now.
[Mom goes back off stage and Joseph catches up to Mary.]
Joseph: Are you okay?
Mary: [Rubs head ruefully] Yeah, I guess so. Was just a graze.
Joseph Well, heh. We might not come back for a while. I’m sorry, Mary.
Mary: You’re sorry for what? For joining me in my time of shame? For leaving your family? I thought I might feel worse about leaving, but it suddenly doesn’t feel much like home anymore. It’s not just your mom. Nobody looks me in the eye, only at [sighs and feels stomach]. Why do God’s blessings feel so much like curses?
Joseph: Listen Mary, we’re going to get to Bethlehem and I’ll find work. You’ll have your baby and we’ll do our best to bring him up well. We’ve heard from angels once, but we may never hear from them again. My family may reject you and my choice to marry you despite this baby. And the Romans will continue to make our lives miserable. But for whatever reason, God has invested in you, and is willing for his messiah to be born as a b-... illegitimate child.
Mary: [Chuckles] You can speak carpenter to me if you like. Thanks for the perspective anyway. But the big picture is so difficult to see when this little guy kicks me in the bladder.
Joseph: I’m afraid I can’t relate. But listen, what did the angel say about him?
Mary: The same messiah stuff as in the stories, but more so. That he would be the son of the most high God, and he would have a kingdom that would never end. Did he not say that to you?
Joseph: No, just that he would save us from our sins, but listen, do you ever wonder about God? He gave Moses the law and now, because of it, your family ran you out of town for obeying God himself. What sort of kingdom is built on the suffering of innocent people? [Mary raises her eyebrows at him. He frowns.] Oh, right, all of them. But I thought God’s would be different.
Mary: I guess we’ll see. Perhaps getting forced to Bethlehem for the census is a blessing in disguise. Thanks again for bringing me along. But as for pain, miracles and angels’ words make it all feel small and faint beside this tiny little child. I figure that the God of Abraham won’t let us down.
Scene 2
Herod: I built you a temple on top of your hill. What more do you want, you insufferable folks. I’ve got Rome on my case all the time because of your people’s revolts. You think I don’t know where good people get dangerous thoughts? You keep telling stories of heroes who “deliver people” from Persians, Philistines, Babylon, whatever. What was he called? The Messi?
Pharisee: Messiah.
Herod: Shut up. Listen. I’ve got us a comfortable life here. You’re doing fine. Sure there are poor people and the taxes are rough, but when were they not? I mean...
Pharisee: [Mumbles] When we followed God.
Herod: What was that?
Pharisee: [Quietly] I said that things could be better for us if we followed God.
Herod: NO! No, just listen. Every time someone starts to chatter about having a nation under God, it’s just code for massacre. Don’t bring the Romans down on your heads. Tell the people to be peaceful and that God is still unhappy and they need to work harder and go to church more. Oh, and tell those terrorists you call Zealots that I will happily kill them and their families if it keeps the peace for the rest of us.
Pharisee: [Long pause] Fine
Herod: Don’t look so downcast. You get to keep your position, as do I, and the Romans get to pretend they’re in control of a nation that secretly owes allegiance to their God. And don’t put a rose tinted glow around the past either. Your hero kings treated you like slaves too. Rome doesn’t mind your preachering as long as you do it quietly. Encourage your little people to think the same way. Let’s have no more talk of the Messiah. It will only end in someone getting killed.
Scene 3
2 Wise men, with star charts and orbital diagrams.
Caspar: (Stares off into space) Mars is bright tonight
Melchior: Dude, look, the red one is over here, that’s Venus.
Caspar: Aw yes, listen, man listen. I have a confession to make: I spent the last couple nights making rude signs and shouting blasphemies at Mars, calling him a loser, bro. Then I ran like crazy to my house where I had a copper roof so as to be safe from his lightning bolts. But I didn’t hear nothing. Mars doesn’t care and just went on passing.
Melchior: Dude, are you sure you weren’t just calling Venus a loser? She might not mind, you know. Yo, bro, you know the Egyptians believe that the sun is pushed across the sky by a big bug.
Caspar: You’re trippin’. Is it?
Melchior: Well, it must move across the sky somehow.
Caspar: Hey, do you ever wonder if the stars are even God’s at all and not just birds catching fire from getting too far up?
Balthazar: Hey, wise guys,. You need to see this.
Caspar: What is it?
Balthazar: A massive new star.
Caspar: [Not looking] Probably just a burning albatross.
Balthazar: [Grabs Caspar’s chin and forces his face into the sky] No, look!
Caspar: Dude look! [Grabs Melchior’s face and points it toward sky.]
Melchior: Duuude. A new God is born.
Balthazar: We need to find out more about this. It’s right over the horizon to the west. Perhaps it is one of their Gods.
Caspar: But I’m in the middle of some very interesting research on Mars!
Melchior: Or Venus.
Balthazar: I don’t think so. This is new and we are going to go find what new God this is.
Melchior: We’ve tried already with Saturn, but our ladders are too short.
Balthazar: Enough of your foolishness, the star guides us west, and west we shall go.
Chorus:
So this is the scene, and this is the stage,
A teenage mother kicked out of her home
And a king full of bubbling, self righteous rage
Who will murder to stay on his throne
And the birth of a king happens here in this line
With a party of homeless for its only sign
At the dingy back of a backwater shack
An event too immense to define
Do you see the bizarre in a brilliant star to herald a birth on the floor
Do you see the absurd in a teen’s quiet words of hush to her maker and Lord?
For Christmas night was not calm or bright
Not silent or mild, but scary and wild.
But in in the cries of a newborn child
You could almost hear a quiet voice say, “Do not fear”.
Scene 4: Three magi waiting to see the king
Melchior: What is this country again?
Balthazar: It’s part of the Roman empire, but they are a small distinct city state called Israel.
Caspar: That’s a dope name, what does it mean?
Balthazar: It means they fight with God a lot.
Caspar: That seems unwise without copper roofs on their buildings. We should probably have rubber soles.
Melchior: So where are we again?
Balthazar: King Herod’s palace. He must have had a son.
Caspar: And the king is in the habit of giving out stars as birthday presents?
Balthazar: Did you have another idea? Herod is the king of the Jews right now and apparently he built a pretty expensive temple. He’s probably on good terms with the Gods. He may have had a son and his God wanted to celebrate. And that’s another thing…
Guard: The king will see you now. [Herod walks in]
Herod: We haven’t had visitors from the east in many years. Gentlemen, welcome.
Balthazar Oh king, we are keen scholars of the stars and came to offer you our praise, for in the night we saw a bright and shining star new born above your land. As the hand of God is in the stars and also not too far from you the king, the thing we came to seek from you is a newborn ruler of the Jews. For a birth which gives a cause for heaven to break forth is for us worth many days upon the road.
Herod: How strange. I have heard of no such thing. Our people do not watch the stars. We do have stories of a holy king who comes to bring the people back to God. He is said to hold the ears of God and man and his arrival could the stars command. I will ask the teachers of the Jewish history so that we may find this king and offer him the same worship as the heavens saw fit to give. So rest now in the palace rooms from your trip across the dunes.
[Wise men leave and Herod turns to soldier]
Herod: Get me those rabble rousing, self-important, Jewish teachers, NOW!!
[Herod strides around angrily for a bit and the Jewish teacher runs in.]
Herod: Thank you for coming at such short notice. Remember I was asking about the Messi?
Pharisee: Messiah?
Herod: Correct me again and I’ll have you whipped. . . and sprayed with lemon juice.
Pharisee: What did you want to know?
Herod: You know I am not superstitious, but I do believe that when a group of people a from far away country show up on my doorstep about a random star that appeared a year ago and has been hovering over my kingdom and they claim that a holy king is going to be born, then something is up.
Pharisee: Surely this is just a coincidence. We have heard nothing.
Herod: The last thing I need is some big foreign power telling Rome that I’ve been interfering with their religion. I just want something to tell them to get them on their way. Just tell me where those big scrolls of yours say the Messi will be born?
Pharisee: In Bethlehem in Judea, but oh King, it’s been a year since the star appeared, the king could be anywhere.
Herod: I’m not going to go looking. If these people from the east go and can’t find anything, then you’re right and there’s nothing to worry about. If they find a baby with a cult following, then we have a problem. Thank you for your help, now get lost. I have some foreigners to remove.
[Pharisee leaves and wise men return]
Caspar: You rang?
Herod: Welcome back and I hope you rested well while I was gone. Good news, it seems, for learned men have told of the where and I just need you to tell me when.
Balthazar: The star appeared less than a year before we left. My colleagues did insist I keep my prying eyes far away from their chosen scraps of sky. So when the star appeared I cannot say for sure. Their skills with notes would make a college student groan and hide his eyes. But I am sure that if the star and king were born at the same time, he would not have his second year beneath his belt.
Herod: You have my thanks oh venerable ones, and can I make one last request? That when you find this newborn king you will not leave but will return to me? I would not impose upon your holy quest but would give my very eyes to meet the king that has been promised to this land. So when you find Him, come and tell me where He is that I may worship him as well. Go now to Bethlehem, a city known for holy kings, and find this child [Aside] who could upset so many things.
Scene 5
[Stage: Mary, Joseph, and Jesus are hanging out]
Mary: You know, it’s been a year and a half and I think I’m finally starting to feel at home here. That stable looks comforting every time I see it and I can’t believe it happened.
Shepherd: [Enters] Believe it girl. I ain’t forgettin that night for anything.
Joseph: Ah, Saba, good to see you. Little Jesus recognizes you now, doesn’t he?
Shepherd: Tis good recognition, is what it is. I figure these town-folk still look at us funny after that night. We was shouting and hollering, so excited that something had finally happened to us.
Mary: And then what, back to normal life?
Shepherd: Ah, daughter, do you call this normal? After we see’d angels so many the sky couldn’t hold em? Nah. Now it’s all special. Specially Him. [Gestures at Jesus] You folks get over the excitement so quick?
Joseph: Well, you know how it is, we’re young and have had eventful lives. But this is parenting and starting a new home in a new place. Even the family I have around here is having trouble with the strange circumstances around Jesus’ birth. No angels for over a year, no words from God.
Mary: Unless you count this little guy’s babbling.
Joseph: Yes, I suppose. Life is hard, but it’s good. Thanks for coming by, Saba. And thanks for that meat last week.
Shepherd: Oh, I almost forgot. I brought over some goat milk for the little one. It’s real fresh.
Mary: Wow, thank you. How’s...
[Knock, Knock Knock]
Joseph: [walking over to the door] Now this takes me back to when you guys burst in on us.
Balthazar: Is this the home of a king whose reign will never end?
Joseph: [To the shepherd] Okay, now it’s just getting weird. [To the wise man] Who are you?
Balthazar: A year ago we saw a star, and in the west it rose.
Melchior:: We followed it until it came to rest above this. . . house
Caspar: Is this the one then whom we sought? A baby in a small neat house is given such a royal proclamation from the skies?
Shepherd: Oh, ho ho ho, you have no idea. Yep, this is him alright. The heavens were even shinier on that day good sirs. We saw a scads of angels shining like the stars and shouting about this little kid. Though, twas just us shepherds who saw that of course. I imagine these parents had enough on their minds.
Balthazar: Then here we kneel, for such a king deserves the praise of mortals such as us. [All bow]
Mary: No please, don’t, you don’t have to. . . [Wise men stand]
Caspar: And for a king of such renown no gift will do but gold.
Balthazar: And for a one who holds the ear of God our worship as a fragrant incense given
Melchior: But wait, there’s myrrh! A costly spice for burying the dead. Please take it as a metaphor or prophecy or something like that and not a horribly inappropriate baby gift.
[Mary, Joseph, and Shepherd are in awe, not concerned with the next whispered conversation]
Balthazar: A metaphor? It’s a birth celebration! Why would you give-
Melchior: You’re the one who brought incense to a peasants’ hut!
Balthazar: We thought he’d be a king! Besides, they can make a pretty penny by selling the incense.
Melchior: Well then, they can sell the myrrh, too.
Mary: Thank you, sirs, but where did you come from?
Balthazar: We followed a star to worship a king. I guess you could say that your God sent us here. I confess I’m perplexed at the state of the birth of this King. The gods will often send their sons as sons of kings and emperors, but never with a star on high and never to the poor.
Shepherd: He does do the darndest of things. But I figure them emperors just want to feel special and so say they are kids of Gods and chop anyone who says different. I don’t know if you good folks have figured this out yet, but people here are pretty dead set against foreigners. They figure our God don’t like you much. But I didn’t figure He cared about a shepherd like me or common folk like this neither, so I guess you three are welcome to the family as well.
Melchior: We will not intrude upon you much longer. Our caravan is camped just outside the town.
Joseph: What? Stay for dinner. Such as we can provide, we will.
Caspar: We cannot stay, for we are needed back at home and on a mission of diplomacy.
Joseph: These are spectacular gifts, gentlemen and I don’t know how to respond, especially in the presence of royalty.
Balthazar: [Looks at Jesus] But sir, you always are in company of royalty.
Mary: He doesn’t seem much like royalty when you have to change his diapers.
Melchior: Well, given who this child is you may have other royal visits soon enough. Farewell.
Scene 6
Chorus : I wish the story could end here,
With gold for those in poverty
And not with violence, not with fear
The baby king a refugee.
For here in this house is a beautiful scene
Of God and the rich and the poor
All classes and nations complete and serene
In a world where all is unsure
[Gabriel stops the wise men on a road. He is disguised as a homeless man.]
Gabriel: Where are you going, good sirs?
Melchior: Jerusalem.
Gabriel: What errand could send you desert princes to our little country?
Caspar: We found a baby king, declared by a star in heaven, and now we return to the ruler of this land to express our thanks. He seeks to worship Him as well.
Gabriel: And Herod asked you to do this, did he?
Caspar: We spoke to him to find the prophecies concerning this king.
Gabriel: And you didn’t find that a mite suspicious? Him asking the location of another king?
Melchior: What are you saying? Spit it out.
Gabriel: [Shrugs] Don’t go back to Herod. He’s a jealous king and will try to kill the child.
Caspar: Who are you? One of the shepherds who were there that night?
Gabriel: I was there that night, and the shepherds, well let’s just say they were surprised to see me. My name is Gabriel, messenger of the most high God..
Balthazar: We know what the messengers of the gods look like and you aren’t one of them. [Unrolls old paper with picture on it, we used a pic of Nicholas Cage]
Gabriel: How’s your knowledge of Gods and kings working out for you recently? Anyway, don’t go back to Herod. Just go home and always remember what you learned here of the nature of Gods and kings.
Balthazar: The star above will ever serve to keep our minds fixed on the king.
Gabriel: Oh, yes, about that, and just in case you doubt me, [snaps fingers and star disappears (explodes?)] That was your message. Remember it. [Walks off]
Scene 7
[Herod in his palace, Pharisee with him.]
Herod: It’s been three weeks. Where are those desert princes? How fast can a caravan get to and from Bethlehem? Why did the star just up and vanish? Does this mean everything will go back to normal?
Pharisee: I don’t know sir.
Herod: Yes, yes, I know you are of very little use in this matter. I mean, it’s only what your entire religion has waited generations for. Only what was prophesied for hundreds of years, only what. No. I won’t have it. I don’t believe it. This is just-
Soldier: [Arrives] Sir, I’ve just had a report from one of the eastern watchtowers that the caravan that visited you here has left our country and gone back in the direction they came.
Herod: Didn’t I tell them to return to me? I’m sure I did. No matter. This is just more rebellion fodder. Just like all the other little uprisings. We just need to show the people a firm hand. Show them that saviours will get them killed. Those foreigners think they can trick me, fine. They just have more blood on their hands. When did they say the star appeared?
Pharisee: A year ago, sir.
Herod: Very well. Captain!
Soldier: Yes sir.
Herod: Take a dozen soldiers, go to Bethlehem and kill every boy two years old and under. Go now. [To pharisee] You stay here. I don’t want you running off to warn anyone. Unless you want to join my boys. [Draws sword and hands it to him]
Pharisee: [Realizes he’s taken the sword and drops it like he’s been burned] Please don’t do this. The children haven’t even-
Herod: [Picking up sword] I told you. I told you. All this messiah nonsense is going to get people killed. This way fewer die than in a bloody revolt. You get to keep your head. The people get to keep their nation. And I get to keep my throne.
Scene 8
[Joseph is sleeping while Mary puts Jesus to bed]
Gabriel: [Bursts in] Get up, get up!
Joseph: Gabriel, is that you?
Gabriel: No, I’m another flaming angel. Yes of course it's me!
Mary: Good to see you again, Gabriel
Gabriel: Listen. Herod got wind of the child and now wants him dead. There are soldiers coming here now! Run to Egypt. Pay your way with that gold, don’t tell anyone where you’re going.
Mary: I’ll get the food.
Gabriel: There’s no time. Just run. RUN!
[Mary picks up Jesus and runs out door, Joseph follows]
Chorus: Merry Christmas everyone. That’s it. The end. The story’s done
No Advent scene, no snowy fun, just one small family on the run
And everythings broken and nothing is right
And questions rage against the night
As kids are killed and adults fight our selfish little wars
And yet we find here in this cauldron of fear
And bad tidings and slaughterous plots
Here we find God as a kid on the run
From those he could burn in the heart of the sun
With no effort but a thought
My poems composed of hollowish letters
We sing of a king who is bigger and better
And perhaps we leave church every Sunday with feelings of awe.
But we worship a king who is under a curse
And realize that Christmas was smaller and worse
And yet still leave praising the God that we certainly saw
Oh do not be afraid. Do not be dismayed.
This is no charade or crusade or product purveyed
But can I persuade you that the true meaning
Is not sparkly or snowy or really worth screening
It’s demeaning and hard, will look gross on a card
But find the discarded and sit down and share
We’ll find God there.
………………………………………
© Copyright Matthew Kuepfer, all rights reserved. The script may not be reproduced, translated or copied in any medium, including books, CDs and on the Internet, without written permission of the author.
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: