Summary: A long-time Christian woman, struggling with putting on a good front, admits her fears.
Style: Dramatic. Duration: 2-3 minutes
Characters: Kelly, late-thirties/early forties; a long-time Christian
A single spotlight comes up on Kelly
Kelly (singing): “Fear not, for I am with you. Fear not, for I am with you. Fear not, for I am with you, says the Lord. (voice starting to quake; slowing down) Fear not, for I am with you. Fear not, for I am with you . . .” * (voice breaks; stops singing) Fear not. Fear not.
I know what the Bible says about fear: “God is our refuge and our strength . . . therefore, we will not fear” (Ps 46:1-2). And “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). And, “God not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim 1:7). And I know all this is true. I know that God is in control and that I can trust Him. And I know that I don’t have to be afraid. But I am. Sometimes I’m deep down in my stomach scared.
Oh, I hide it well. If you asked my best friend, she’d say, “Oh, Kelly is the strongest person I know. She’s not afraid of anything.” My mom has always said I was the independent one, always wanting to do things on my own. Fearless, she says. My husband, Jack, would say that I’m emotionally stronger than he is. Strong. Fearless. But I’m really not that strong . . .not really. Inside, I’m still afraid.
Sometimes, it’s so hard . . . I’m afraid for Jack. He’s been so tired lately, so not like himself. And now they’re talking about layoffs at his work, and even though he won’t talk about it, I know he’s worried about losing his job. His job means so much to him . . . and I don’t know how we’d manage if he lost his job. How would we survive on just my salary? How would we pay the bills? How would we take care of the kids?
Oh, and the kids. Last night, our strapping seventeen-year-old son told us that he’s decided to enlist in the military when he turns eighteen. He wants to serve his country, he says. And part of me is so proud of him . . . and part of me is so scared. And Beth, our beautiful daughter, has just started dating this young man. He seems nice, but she’s said some things lately that make me wonder if he’s pressuring her. I know we’ve taught her right from wrong, but I’m so afraid for her. I’m afraid for both of them. I know we dedicated them to the Lord when they were babies. But I worry about their futures. What will their world be like?
I look at this world, and I want to cry out. Our world, our nation, our community . . . So many stories of uncertainty and hopelessness and violence and abuse and harm . . . and of fear.
It’s so hard . . . I want so badly to understand why. Why there is so much pain. Why there is so much hatred. And in my head . . . I know that God is in control, that I can trust Him. But in my heart, in the deepest part of me, I’m scared. I’m so scared. I know I shouldn’t be afraid.
I know it, Lord, but, forgive me. Forgive me, Lord, I’m still afraid.
* Song: “Fear Not” by Phil Pringle
2001 Sauni Rinehart All rights reserved