Style: Drama. Duration: 7min
Actors: 3M , 3M/F
Scripture: Matthew 16:26
Characters
The auctioneer – jacket, tie, glasses, gavel
Auctioneer’s assistant - overalls, mobile phone
The Soul - stool, loud shirt, ‘Lot 63’ sign
The devil - black cape
Employer -
Brother - Aussie hat
Script
(Note: We’ve always done the soul & his brother as Australians – hence some of the language. Auctioneer as pompous Englishman)
(Scene: Chair downstage left, the soul sitting & covered by sheet. Arms & legs stretched to form interesting shape, so audience can’t identify what is under the sheet. Lecturn upstage right, with gavel. The devil, brother & employer are interspersed in the audience. Lights fade up, auctioneer standing at pulpit, finishing bidding on item. Assistant standing behind The Soul.)
Auctioneer: (To audience) And now we come to lot number 63. This is an extremely interesting item, and rarely seen at auction. It has had one owner, who has not looked after it as well as he might. Nevertheless, there are those who would value it very highly. So before we start the bidding, perhaps we had better ask the current owner.
(Auctioneer’s assistant removes the cover from off the Soul. Returns to stand behind Soul)
Auctioneer : (To audience) So, I give you lot number 63 – a man’s soul. (Speaking to soul. Comes out from behind lecturn & moves toward Soul) And what value would you place on your soul?
Soul: (Seated. Nonchalent) Well, I don’t know really. Haven’t thought about it to be perfectly honest.
Auctioneer: (Laughing. Incredulous – to audience. Comes downstage centre) Ladies & gentlemen, we have here someone who is unaware of the true value of his only real possession
Soul: Hang on a minute – I have plenty of possessions. I own loads of stuff. My house, my car, TV, DVD…
Auctioneer: (Turning & approaching Soul, so ‘in his face’ by the time he says “dead”) Ah, yes. But what value do these things have when you’re dead? (Turns away & walks towards lecturn.) There’s only one item you take with you when you die. And that’s the one being auctioned today – (Spins round & points to Soul) your very soul.
Soul: But I’m still young. It’ll be years before I die……I hope.
Auctioneer: (Leaning on lecturn, peering over glasses) So what you are saying is that you place little value on your soul at present.
Soul (confused): (Definite) No. (pause, thoughtful) Well, yes – I suppose so.
Auctioneer: So ladies and gentlemen, what am I bid for this soul? (Silence for a few seconds. Be prepared for unscheduled audience participation!) Come, come folks. Approach Soul, haul him up so audience can ‘inspect’ him. Soul turns 360) This is a (trying to convince everyone) fine specimen.
Employer: (Interjecting from audience. Shouts to get attention) Excuse me, I’d like to ask something before I bid. What condition is it in?
Soul: (Angry – steps forward) What condition is it in? What kind of question is that?
Auctioneer: (Trying to calm him down. Soul sits. Auctioneer returns to lecturn) A very valid one, I would say. Let me see…(reading through file notes. Perturbed by what he reads) Well, according to the log book, there have been one or two slight …er… problems.
Soul: (Mocking)Slight problems? What on earth are you talking about? There’s nothing wrong with my soul.
Auctioneer: Let’s get this sorted out, then. Have you ever told a lie?
Soul: No.
Assistant: (Coughing) Liar.
Soul: Well, all right then – yes.
Auctioneer: Ever cheated?
Soul (reluctantly): Maybe.
Auctioneer: I’ll take that as a yes. Ever stolen anything?
Soul: OK, OK – I admit it. But what’s this got to do with the condition of my soul?
Auctioneer: Everything. (Suddenly cowers in fear, noticing Prince of Darkness in audience) Ah, yes – Prince of Darkness, how nice to see you again.
Devil: I like this soul just the way it is. I’ll give you a fiver.
Soul: (Stands. Angry. Throws ‘Lot 63’ sign to ground) A fiver? Is that all my soul is worth?
Employer: Well, he’s worked for me for a couple of years and he’s not a bad worker. I’ll give you a tenner.
Auctioneer: I’m bid a tenner from his employer. Any advance on £10?
Brother: Well, I suppose I should bid for his soul. After all, he is my brother.
Soul: Nice one Trev
Auctioneer: That’s £15 from the brother. Any advance on £15. Do I hear £20? No –
Going once, going twice…
(Phone rings – auctioneer’s assistant answers)
Assistant (with phone):Just a minute. I have another bidder here. (Growing amazement) He says he loves this soul so much, even though it’s not in brilliant condition, He’s willing to lay down his life to buy it.
Brother: But that’s crazy. Who would pay such a price for such a pathetic excuse for a soul?
Assistant: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
Auctioneer: Sold! To Jesus - the Son of God.
Soul: Bonza!
Auctioneer: Bonza indeed . (Steps forward, addresses audience) And how about you? What value do you place on your soul? Jesus said “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Give it up to the Highest Bidder.
……………………..
© Barry Brannen 2003, all rights reserved.
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